meaningful ramblings

Sometimes it lasts in love... but sometimes it hurts instead. Yesterday was an ex's birthday. I was sweeping my room and when i took a break to check my bbm contacts' updtes, i saw "happy birthday king B" and for a second, i could not remember who that was neither could i associate March 26 to anyone who I may have known in my entire life. Until like all things which eventually come to light, i sat back faily startled. Of course it was his birthday. I went back to sweeping and the phrase "things we lost in the fire of life" came to me. You see, two years ago i would have made a production out of that date...now i couldnt even remember it. This touched me a great deal, especially as i sat down and began to wonder how many of such dates had been forgotten, at one time so precious. How many memories have been banished to the utterly deep, dark cesspool that is my mind? Consciously in an attempt to move on or like imprints in sand, gently erased by the passage...

I came to London looking for answers. Answers to still the turbulence in my mind and to be a balm for y aching heart. I came, searching for meaning, for purpose. I came for clarity...in the hopes that the frigid winter air may drive the cobwebs away. Did I come looking for love? Definitely. I came hoping to fall in love with life and nature and beauty. That was the pot I wanted at the end of my rainbow. So I emptied my bank account, paid a ridiculous amount of money for a winter ticket and got on a plane to London. If you've been following this blog then you must know that I was in a really bad place during the last quarter of 2010. And in the midst of all that, i lost hope and my faith in love. I lost my way. But tonight I found it. That which I travelled so far for. Clarity. It was right there in the arms of the Father who never once let go. The healing I craved. And as tears fell from my eyes, I felt my heart fall into place. Not the old tattered and torn one, a new one. And...

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. Me and my boyfriend split up. One would think that after one month and in a totally different country that it would be easier to say. It is not. I do not harbour anger or hate or noting. Just sadness. That is all... Breakups are hard enough on their own, without it being a mutual decision due to circumstances beyond the both of you. It is not easier and i do not see the bright side. But...

First things first, lets cut out the bs of "let's see what the future brings". How about I tell you exactly what I want. Agreed? I'd prolly preamble first. But i know you'll understand. When I was in uni, there's was this guy who called a certain girl his future. I found it incredibly silly at the time. Especially in that context. I don't anymore. Amidst all the upheaval that is my life at the moment, I have seen that supposedly calm eye of a storm. That silent part of a tornado where there is wonder at the havoc nature can cause. I have seen that split second before a head on collision, the certainty, the wonder. I have seen that second, just before bullet bites into skin. The second before an orgasm. Those times when everything apart from that moment is completely irrelevant. When all you see is colour and .......life. *insert quiet smile here*. I digress? Pull me back please...or maybe not. Dear Abimbola, Sometime soon, perhaps in every second af...

You know how we have Mothers' day and Fathers' day. Apparently, there's also Brothers' day. :s abi? Yeah i'm confused too. Didnt know as well. But that's entirely besides the point. Thing is my aunt is still in Nigeria, and still staying in my room and although I'd moved out for a bit, I was totally missing home. So sunday night I decided to sleep in my little brother's room. And mosquitoes bit the hell out of me. I didnt exactly complain but he understood. When I got home yesterday, braced for part two, I met the room arranged, mosquito free and the second single bed laid with fresh sheets. My baby brother was looking out for me. As usual. I was with a friend yesterday and he said something about little brothers being angels. I may have disagreed with him. Growing up with mine was pure torture at times. He blackmailed me for a bit, tried to stick freshly put out candle in my right eye, stabbed me with a fork, made me burn my finger in the cigarette li...

"#deepdowninside: I want to be different." "#deepdowninside: I want to be stronger, I want to be taller, I want to be lighter, shorter, thinner, fatter","deepdowninside: I want him/her to like me", "#deepdowninside: I don't want to be here".....These are not my desires. Neither are they the desires of any particular person....I borrowed the hashtag from twitter just so that I can write about what we really want. The desires we keep to ourselves, sometimes out of fear, sometimes because we know that if we do want we want we may disturb the balance of karma or some higher power. The things we want to do but don't because we know we may hurt those closest to us with our single mindedness as one might if one was finally allowed to do the things they deeply desire. Thanks to my twit family I was privy to a sample of the things we want deep down inside and I realised that we all want basically the same things, even though everytime, the actions...