Sunday, January 1, 2012

Finding my Way

I am sitting at the table in the darkness, listening to the darkness and the silence keeps screaming at me. Save for the ticking of the clock as it finds its way into 2012 there's little else but the sounds of fireworks filtering into the penthouse apartment. And I am at peace. It is so silly how I cry at the littlest things these days...perhaps a product of the wonder in my heart. Appreciating every little spurt of happiness because I fought for it. I fought to be here.

Again, I am in London. This time not to search for clarity as I needed last year. But to bury an aunt who succumbed to cancer in December. I decided not to go for the cross-over service tonight because I wanted time to reflect upon the past year, and to allow my heart seek out the Lord. Its never been easy for me to connect to God in the midst of a multitude of people. And I just need to put my head in His laps and say thank You.

2011 was a good year. For the most of it I ambled along, lost and in pain. My heart heavy, my soul worn and hopes withered. Even with the clarity I found at the start of the year it was hard to stay afloat. But God held on to me and kept me. And I am oh so thankful.

In July I handed in my resignation. I really cannot say in all honesty what it was that prompted that decision. Afterall, I didnt have anything else lined up and I had no concrete plans as to what I wanted to do with myself. I left KPMG in August, heart in hands and dreams bigger than my mind could even comprehend. And God carried me and laid straight the path before me. And I am so thankful

Thing is, like they say, even if I had a million mouths, it wouldnt be enough. Battered and weary, torn and broken and bruised. But He mended me and blessed me. With amazing friends and love which keeps on giving.

And so now I am going to try to find my way. This year I shall try to make great the gifts He has given me. I have no resolutions save two.

And for you my dear readers, I shall pray this prayer:

May your paths be straight and your journey be easy. May your hearts be light and your burdens pleasant. May the roads rise up to meet you and may you and yours pass through the eye of the needle before it shuts. And may God lift up the light of His countenance upon you and give you peace.

Happy new year. God be good to you all. Be good to yourselves above all.

Much love