Saturday, August 28, 2010

And a single "yo" took my troubles away

He's here. Almost by surprise. It's been almost 3months. Lord knows it hasn't been easy. I know that in about ten days I'll see the outside of the red boarding gate that takes away my happiness, but for now, I am at peace. Everything is well....with that seemingly simple unexpected 'Yo' from an MTN no.

Big thanks to Neefemi and Temite. God sent u both to me.

And to God, who has for now, blessed me with these.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Taking stock

Hey people, its exactly 39days to my birthday and as I have done every year since i turned 14, I am taking stock. This is the time when I evaluate myself with regards to the goals I set at the beginning of every new year/ birth anniversary. It is also at this time, that I evaluate the worth of the people around me. I make decisions concerning the people I have in my life at the moment, the ones I want to take into the new year, and the ones that must stay behind. I evaluate their influences, both positive or negative. I evaluate the supposed bonds that have been forged and decide which ones are strong enough to make it into the new year. While this may seem cold hearted at best, it is the time when I am most brutally honest with myself.

When I was younger, i'd draw up a list of the things I wanted for my birthday. As a child, it was almost always something I either imagined, saw on the tv or something whatever best friend of the moment had. As I got slightly older, I picked out my birthday presents from Argos catalogues. Then I'd draw up a list and give it to my father. Prices included. And as I got even older, I started decided at the beginnning of every new year, something I wanted to give myself for my birthday. Anyways, i'm doing the same now. Drawing up a list of all the little things that will make the next one year of my life insanely precious.

I want this book. If this was al i got, i'd be happy. Its quite old and hard to find, but there are a few copies on amazon n ebay. No new ones though. Ill take an old, wrinkled, used one.



Chateau Cos D'Estournel 1986 ; 1986 St Estephe 2eme Grand cru Classe; Wine from my birth year. How fitting


Audrey Hepburn Boxed Set (Couture Muse Collection, 80th Anniversary) I love old movies.


Louis Vuitton Aviator Bag; For this I can only dream. But its gorge, utterly and sinfully yummy, For this bag I will sell my right testicle. You know what I mean.



Godiva Luxurious Hamper ; Every human has a right to imported belgian chocolates at least once a year.


Black Calla Lily; My favourite flowers. A bouquet of 24 perfect black calla lillies. One for every year of my life so far.


600 thread count bedsheets. Because i'm worth even more.



Every girl should have real pearls.  I'd rather black


Ok..thats about it. At least for the major stuff...For some reason i cant go ack to align left so please forgive my centralized typing. Heaven knows I hate it.  Anyways, happy birthday in advance to me. Oh yeah...what I'm getting me is not on this list.  :D

Thursday, August 19, 2010

We Stay...., Aboko ku

"Will today be the day he sees me for who I truly am? will today be the day that he realises that I truly love him? Will today be the day he realises that I will not change? Will today be the day that he decides that it is me? Will it be today that he will finally see my selfless act of love? that he is meant to be with me? Will it be today that he falls in love with me?"

The above are the questions that as women , not all mind you....or perhaps maybe all, ask ourselves. The questions that we dont voice out, out of fear that the next person may see us as weak and scorn us for our lily liverdness. After all who is forcing you to stay? why dont you leave him?. I too have asked the same questions of another girl...forgetting that I have also asked her questions. When will he see.

All relationships are not easy, all relationships are unique says my friend Karima. She also says that the problem is that all men are demented. As aboko ku (s)  (Ruth. will die with/for my husband) all we do is love and love and love. When we choose, we choose. And then we stick to it. We fight for it. We make excuses for the men that cause us pain. We invest our hearts and souls and bodies into these relationships. We invest our time...all those hours that become days, and the days that become weeks, then months and then years. We carry the relationships on our shoulders and keep our pain private. Loving men that either dont know how to or are too scared to love back and dont seem to want to make up their minds. Thing is an aboko ku will only pick a man that wants her. He will love her and he will pick her she says. One day he will...she says. And his sporadic moments of love seem to make up for the other times.

Do not get me wrong, an Aboko ku does not have low self esteem. She is not the one that other men have rejected. Nope. She is the one that is queen among her peers. She is beautiful inside and outside. She is a strong woman. She will make any man proud. She will be a good wife. What do you want apart from a woman that will not leave you. She will cook your meals and keep your home. She will be a whore in the bedroom or any other place you need her to be. She will never cease to respect and honour. She will care for you and give you beautiful children. She will bring up those children to be the best that it will ever be possible for a child to be. Because she is the best that a woman can be.

She will pull her weight in the home. She will not be a doormat. She will defend you like a tigress would defend her young. She will love you. With love so pure and true. .....

The problem with an Aboko ku is that she has chosen. Simply that. We choose...and then we stay.

This morning I heard Zara's " Aboko ku" on the radio and I immediately put the words "no one can love you like i do, no one can treat you like I do. Aboko ku" as my BBM status. And aint that the truth.


Signed,

Aboko ku.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

EVERYBODY's FREE....(to use bleaching soap)

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2010....Use Bleaching Soap

If I offer you only one tip for the future, bleaching soap would be IT.

The long term benefits of bleaching have been proved by marketwomen whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable tan my own point of view.

I will dispense this advice now.....

Enjoy the power and beauty of bleaching soap..team it up with lacewigs. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of bleaching soap until you have aged. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how pale you really looked.

You are NOT as fine as you imagine.

You should worry about the future, because if you dont, you'll realise that your world will keep falling down on your head like standing under the unforgiving Lagos island rain with no umbrella, waiting for the next danfo bus that will take you to your office.

The real trouble in your life is the possibility that your rich friend will take away your girlfriend or that someone might take a photo of your peen and put it on twitter...that should blindside you anyday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Vex.

if anyone looks at you funny when you are driving, wind down your glass, show them your middle finger and cuss them out...chances are it will be a naval officer who willl then proceed to beat you up. In which case you may then proceed to sue them for N100million

Dont Sing...

...especially not if you sound like Macy Gray on speedcokecrack and please for the sake of your future children, not at a Project Fame audition.

Floss...

Spend a lot of money on yourself, buy expensive cars and jewellry. Eventually you could make a desperate young man's dreams come true by becoming his sugar mummy...or daddy.

Remember the compliments you receive are really lies and the insults you get are true definitions of your character.

Check your boyfriend's direct messages on twitter, facebook and his BBM, he might be getting bored of your ass. Check your girlfriend's family tree. That her uncle in abuja may not be on it.

Stretch...

You must feel guilty that you dont know what you want to do with your life. Your mates in their 20s are getting married to rich men, striking big on yahoo.com and earning fat salaries in blue chip companies. By the time they're 40, their kids would have graduated.

Get plenty of ice cream.

Observe your stretchmarks. They are here to stay.

Be cruel to your knees...trust me, wheelchair swag at 50 is the in thing.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you wont, maybe you'll have children, maybe you wont, maybe you'll dance yahooze or alanta on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever happens, beware of your mother in law...According to Africanmgic/Nollywood, she will always be the cause of all your problems. Dont congratulate youself too much or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance, so are everyone else's.

Look at your body, notice when the belly fat forms. embrace them with both palms and squeeze tightly, they are the greatest instruments you'll even own.

Dance...

Get a stripper's pole in your living room. Remember to keep the warranty card so you can a free replacement everytime your weight destroys it.

Read beauty magazines, even though thats suicidal.

Get to know your parents, ask your mom why your middle name is atutupoyoyo, perhaps it may be because she never bought you Barbie toys and your first make-up kit.

Be nice to your siblings; your pretty younger sister might finally allow you to carry her bags while she's shopping at the mall.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few, you should hold on.Invite them over for drinks and BOMBARD them with the problems you are facing whilst trying to get laid.

Live in Ikoyi once, but leave before it makes you ajebutter; live in Mushin once, but leave before it makes you pakororo.

Travel...

Accept certain inalienable truths; prices will rise, politicians will always be corrupt, your parents lied about the grades they got at school and you too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, you got all As, that prices were reasonable, that politicians were noble and you missed your chances.

Insult your elders.

Expect a sugar parent to support you. You may end up with a trustfund, or maybe you'll have a wealthy bank account; but you'll never know when your own sugar loverpikin will run away with all your money.

By all means, please mess with your hair, drink lots of liquor and smoke lots of cigarettes. That way you'll age quickly.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it  is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

But trust me on the bleaching soap.



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Hey everyone, if you are not already following Playbackgenius on twitter, do it now. He never fails to make me smile. And yes you guessed it, we wrote this together. or rather he wrote this and i chipped in.

Thank you T.
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The above is a very lovely adaptation of Bas Luhrmann's Everybody's Free..(to wear sunscreen).  listen to the real song here:

Everybody's Free

Monday, August 16, 2010

~~Dead men Can't Go Skinny Dipping~~

i'm smiling as I write this post. Maybe you'll understand why in a second....

I've always fancied myself as an adventurous person. But i guess i didnt realize how much, until now. So a bunch of us are off to SA in a couple of days and everyone else is so worried about what the food tastes like, what time the malls close, how much do you pay for transportation....you know..those kind of questions. And i'm sat here, blackberry in hand, and i am amused. I am amused because i just realised that I dont give a dinosaurs ripe egg about all these irrelevant things. Sure, its important to know how much things cost so that one doesnt get stranded...but then...

I realise that instead of being worried, i am excited. I am excited about eating different food, about seeing new places, about learning new things. I am excited because i will sit in a new bar, and try a new cocktail. I am excited because i will eat food that's different from mine. I know for a fact that I will either hate it, or love it. But I am excited nevertheless. I am excited because I will stay out late most likely partying and get up early the next morning. I am excited because I will buy a vuvuzuela even though the world cup is over. I am excited because I will see big bottomed women and take lots of pictures.

A lot of times we kill things that have potential to be amazing life changing experiences because we become overtaken by fear. Like dating that boy, or quitting that job, or cutting that long gorgeous hair, or going to that bar or singing that song or marrying that person....or simply living life. Sure we've all been burnt or had our fingers even mildly singed. but should that stop you? And if you get hurt again, or fail, or get a runny stomach or fall down flat on your face.....So what? It wont be the first time and it wont be the last....When we say "all i do is win..win..win.." do we understand that winning comes in different forms? and that what may seem like failure to yuou is actually a victory?....or that the point of the whole thing was just the experience and not the end result?

I see life in technicolour...like there's this huge disco light just above me and that sometimes the colour passes through me and I can only stop and stare at this wonder that is life. And I wanna try everything. And not once ...at least twice.

To quote Owl City from "On the Wing"

"I am going away, lost in a silent ballet, i'm dreaming youre out in the blue and i am right beside you, a way to take in the view/ late nights and early parades, still photos and noisy arcades, my darling we're both on the wing, look down and keep on singing and we can go anywhere....."

I dont know the relevance of that verse to this post :D. But it makes me feel like i'm holding hands with someone and we're twirling round and round in this amazing sea of colour..can you see it?

One day at a time. Enjoy what's in front of you. Stop blinking so that you will see.....

That you will see that all you need to do is take one chance, or two, or ten. Dead men can't snorkel, or bungee jump, or eat sushi(ewwww.), or go skinny dipping, or jump a hundred times just for the fun of it. Dead men can't try.

Have a lovely week.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Tuesday's Thoughts

~My bottom really hurts. I normally wouldnt be complaining as Wale normally gives me a rub down after my workouts, but of course, he doesnt touch my bum. So i'll have to wait till Superman returns. Which isnt such a bad thing. I guess. ~

~The absolute worst thing happened to me. I lost data. My phone memory card formatted itself (no backiup) and I lost a sizeable portion of my music library. I cried like a baby when that happened. If you know me, you'll know that my music is precious to me. I nurturre and protect and love. I couldnt believe it. Yes I deleted the back up as well. No I wasnt sleep-editing. I was changing laptops. Long story. Just cry for me argentina.~

~ A lot has been happening in my life lately. I have been quite an unhappy bunny (not that I wear "happy bunny" well...i am afterall 70% melancholic. Then I somehow forgot how to write (i think this was the worst part) and then I was listening to Matthew Ryan's "Return to Me" on thursday and I started crying uncontrollably. That went on for a bit. But I think the crying was good for me. Long overdue actually, especially with all the stuff i'd been bottling up. But I'm good now. Apparently, there are problems that are bigger than mine. But I never want to lose my words. Sometimes they are all i've got~

~Did you ever see Val Kilmer's "The Saint"? Then surely, you must remember the part where Emily lost her cards and she got so desperate cos she couldnt make the formula work without the cards....Thats how it is when i dont have words~

~"Give me chastity, give me constancy, but do not give it yet"~

~For those in Naij, I am certain you have heard the new tom-tom ad....filarious...it sounds so vulgar..when i hear the ad, i imagine a "kerewa kerewa" dancestep to go with. ...."i gbadun the tom tom, give me tom tom," lmao~

~Ever pronounced the planet "Uranus" without inwardly cringing? me neither. Doesnt matter how you pronounce it, it always come out as "UR ANUS". Dont bother. I've tried ever combination possible. U RANUS, UR ANUS, URA NUS, URUN US,and URANUS(with an E at the end for emphasis). I wonder what the planet smells like. ....imagine if all farts went to URANUS instead of just blending with the atmosphere...ewww~

~I must have been dreaming but i'm almost sure I heard Rhecks say (on the radio) that Ejike Asiegbu is now a musician. As in?????Omdzzzzz.....its not his fault doe. I mean, when every Witless Tom, Desperate Dick and Hungry Harry is now a musician, or better still, a rapper. Infact I'm quitting my job tomorrow and i'm gonna become a star. Hold me back oh, hold me oh...~

~I swear down, one will soon be able to cook a pot of soup in traffic. Right now, you can buy pepper, tomatoes, onions and beef in traffic. How about the hawkers have mobile stoves and pots? Then you can make your own soup while you journey home...smh...there's almost nothing you wont find in traffic. kilode! just this morning I saw these huge ass clocks. ahan!!!the thing was as big as the Big Ben....ok ok....not as big. but you get my point.~

~If i wrote a really sad post, will you promise not to think that I was talking about myself, even though I write it in the first person. I find that I cannot do second and third person so well...but you see, I am trying~

~Falling in love with music all over again~

~have you seen Inception? Please say you have. its an amazing amazing movie~

~I love the gbagaun mopol...#justsaying# ~

~If I was in OTH, who would I be? I always thought I'd be Peyton...but B said I'd be Brooke. Now I'm not so sure....who would you be?~


#np: Elsewhere ~ Bethany Joy Lenz-Galeotti