Tuesday, October 27, 2009


"#deepdowninside: I want to be different." "#deepdowninside: I want to be stronger, I want to be taller, I want to be lighter, shorter, thinner, fatter","deepdowninside: I want him/her to like me", "#deepdowninside: I don't want to be here".....These are not my desires. Neither are they the desires of any particular person....I borrowed the hashtag from twitter just so that I can write about what we really want. The desires we keep to ourselves, sometimes out of fear, sometimes because we know that if we do want we want we may disturb the balance of karma or some higher power. The things we want to do but don't because we know we may hurt those closest to us with our single mindedness as one might if one was finally allowed to do the things they deeply desire.
Thanks to my twit family I was privy to a sample of the things we want deep down inside and I realised that we all want basically the same things, even though everytime, the actions that lead us to our goals differ. We all crave acceptance, we all want to be successful in our chosen careers, we all want to be different. We want to love and be loved. We want to let go of our protective sheilds and be free. We want the freedom that is found in true happiness, for only then can we be truly free to dream.
#deepdowninside we want money.Tons of it,but without looking like that was the main goal. So we try to cover it up with words like achievement and fulfilment. #deepdowninside we want to have sex whenever and with whomever and not be called to task for it. #deepdowninside we detest responsibility for the pressure but crave it for the acceptance. #deepdowninside we want to do the things we want not out of reason but out of passion. Sometimes we scoff at creativity but inwardly we crave it. We want the glamour and recognition but outwardly strive to look unconcerned by it.#deepdowninside we want our partners to be wealthy and humble. Caring but firm.
I won't say what I want deepdowninside. But I can tell you about the things that inspire me and perhaps you might deduce from them the desires of my heart.I am inspired by music,by the stories that it tells,its truths and its lies. I am inspired by colour. Its ability to change my mood in a second. I am inspired by fabric and texture's ability to lend an eye to fashion. I am inspired by rainfall the freshness and newness it brings. I am inspired by laughter for in that I find my freedom. I am inspired by toil. For the hope and faith it preaches.I am inspired by friendship. Yours. I am inspired by passion.yes that one. The mindlessness and the moments of intense clarity. This is my passion, my addiction. This is my inspiration and my celebration.

"#deepdoninside:I wnt 2 create things dt are gorgeous & functional without any restrictions", "#deepdoninside:I want a glove, and a straw... And white shoes. And a baby. Dont know why.", "#deepdowninside:I just want to be free."

#nowplaying: 'Breakaway" ~ Kelly Clarkson

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Sometimes,my heart stops

I'm smiling. Not the smile that signifies that one is pleased with something. But the type that signifies the state of one's life. The type that allows laughter to spring forth. Not the laughter of amusement,but the one induced by joy.

So I may say I am joyful. I don't need to say why,you already know. So I'll say something you don't know. My heart stops. No not in a heart attack way,else I'll probably not be writing this post, it stops for a second everytime you smile at me. For in that smile I am reborne. I feel us growing, towards each other, and no I am not afraid. I feel us feeling our way around this thing we've discovered.Not as one looking for the right path in darkness, but as one seeking to try new things, and that in itself is a signal of courage. I hear your thots as clearly as if they were mine, and I know you hear mine as clearly as if they were yours. Your eyes tell me everything you don't say with your mouth.

So I'm sitting here, growing and learning and knowing and loving.

Here's to you, for everytime my heart stops beating.

#nowplaying 'Light on my shoulder' ~ Susie Suh