I am lying in my bed, naked and its past midnight. I'd put the time to be somewhere close to 1am, due to the number of times the generator has gone on and off. Yeah #lightupnigeria. Anyways I'm here struggling for sleep and just before I drift off, the words "its always been you" came to my mind. And I have this urge to tell him. Not in a please come back or I die way. Past that stage already thank you very much. But in a "just so you know" way. Because my life began the first time I said "I love you".
When a relationship ends, people expect you to just jump up and continue living, as if scaling over that last speed bump in the road. And not even those mountain high ones, where u feel the entire innards of ur car are gonna fall out. But those really low ones that I feel are there just so u feel the government have tried for u and if u don't slow down, well...whatever happens. Sorry again I meander off.... But my point is people expect u too just move on. Like words weren't said, feelings felt, hands held or tears wept.
What exactly I'm meant to be writing about, I don't even know. I'm not really sure. My first thought was to send u a message. But that may have been too personal, even if it is personal. So this. I'm reading this book called "the other side of the story" and although its lovely, its not holding my attention. Not the way you always did, especially with that funny formless number one and only dance step. (Its a cross between at least five others if u haven't seen it). But do I miss you, yes I do. Sometimes its easy, sometimes its not. And if I didn't chat with you sometimes, I'd pretend to myself that you were dead. Not that I want that to happen. Didn't even think it. Long live the King.
So I'm still here, forcing myself to sleep (no valium for me please). And I know when I finally do, ill be thinking the same thing. its only ever been you.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN