Thursday, December 31, 2009

If I should die tonight

It's the end of a decade. A decade well lived? let god be the judge of that. But if I should die tonight, I shall say it was a beautiful decade. I made friends, and I lost friends. I became born again, and I strayed far away. I had sex, fell in love, had my heart broken and i'm mending nicely. I tested my alcohol limits and took drugs. I joined hi5, zorpia, facebook and twitter. I graduated top 2 in my class, won an award, and started a career. I fell deeply in love with music, and wrote a short story. I saw a black man become American president, and saw a nigerian try to bomb a plane. I fancied myself as a character in a tv series and often felt like I was watching my life from the outside.

I learned that we underestimate the power of self. Self-love, self-worth, Self-help, e.t.c. The things we fear we cannot do on our own, the power we feel we lack. But we can do anything we set our mind to. only if we can set the fear free. I have learned that "i restore myself when I am alone."

I learned to regret nothing. It changes nothing and spoils whatever satisfaction you have taken from a situation. It would mean to me that I have made a thoughtless decision. It would mean i lied to myself. I dont do both.

I have learned that love doesnt always stay, doesnt always come thru, but it doesnt always hurt. Not everyday. I have learned that it gives you strength, and leaves you with strength. I have learned that it makes you feel that everything is possible but also cushions you when you realise that pigs cannot fly because they do not have wings.

I have learned that speaking my mind may not always be th best thing but it is always the right thing. As a friend told me in 2000, "if you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything". I speak my mind. If you do not like it, please walk away. I assure you that you will not be lonely on that road. Too many times i have seen mistakes made because people preferred to lie than express true opinion.

I have learned than I am not perfect, no one is really. So I shall not expect others to do things the way I would. I shall however see their differences and try to work to make things better.

I have learned that friendships may not always last or relationships even. But what matters is what you leave behind. Be true.

So my dear friend, if i should die tonight, I shall do so knowing that I have learned the above. That's not bad at all.

To a decade well lived. And lots more to come. Cheers.

#np: Bang the Doldrums ~~ Fall Out Boy

Friday, December 11, 2009

~Boycott Love..........~

~I'm coming apart at the seams, pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams, now buzz, buzz, buzz, doc there's a hole where something was, doc there's a hole where something was...~

Those are the opening lines of 'Disloyal order of Water Buffaloes', an amazing song by Fall Out Boy. By now you must know that I love FOB. that being said, those lines are so hauntingly beautiful and have for the past few weeks been the summation of my state of mind, amongst other things...

However, seeing as this is my blog of light and happiness, i wont talk about those feelings here. Instead, i'll quote a line from the song and tell you what I think. This sorta feels like Harry Essang's lit class. Anyways....

"I promise you anything for another shot at life,imperfect boys with their perfect lives, nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy"

I understand the feeling of desperation, when you' give anything to have just one thing back. even for a second. And you convince yourself that if you do that thing or a combination of things, you'd have it back. You miss the lifetime that has gone by and want it back. Good or bad. It becomes an unending drug, an untameable addiction, an insatiable religion. It becomes your sole reason for everything. As you wait in vain. But in this, you almost stop talking about it. Because lets face it, nobody really wants to hear the sounds of another person's aching heart. It makes us uncomfortable. Afterall, how many sorrys can one say. So you keep it inside you. Until the desperation turns to hate, and eats you alive.

So, boycott love.....

#np: Disloyal order of water buffaloes


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Itchy Itchy Boys. Is it Break up season?

Seriously though! WTF is wrong with boys nowadays. No i'm not venting. At least not on here. But i'll ask my question again...WTF IS WRONG WITH BOYS NOWADAYS!!!

In the past three weeks, all i've heard about relationships is news of couples breaking up. or rather boys breaking up with their girlfriends and for the same inane reason. 'I'm tired' weren't so tired when u were climbing between her legs last night were you? What is it that causes the male species to just go funny. Now i'm not saying girls are innocent or nothing. Far from it. I even consider myself as some form of a leader of girls going funny. So thats not it. I'm merely here to examine. So i'm hoping for comments.

As to what brought on this campaign, i heard yesterday of another 'I'm tired, so i'm leaving you'....another one too many. And I just dont get it. You bandy the relationship about for weeks, months, years, and wake up one day tired. You may argue that its everyone's right to be happy and if one person doesnt bring you the happiness and fulfilment you believe you deserve then #shehastogo?....Quick question though. At what point did you first realise it? The point where you started fucking someone else? or the time when all of a sudden you realise the relationship has become a buren. My dear male friends, you dont wake up and realise anything. At first its a thought, before it becomes an action.

And what if all of a sudden, it seems like its not working anymore, is hightailing it the only option? Have you considered that there are two people in that relationship? And what about all the promises you made to the other person. Either expressly or implied? I keep saying that things said cannot be unsaid. Actions cannot be undone. I am not angry. Just full of pity.

We are all equipped to handle situations in ways that may lesson the hurt that other people might feel because of our actions. Forget the bullshit about not letting anyone be responsible for your happiness. At some point in our lives, someone else holds our happiness. What do you do with the happiness you hold? So I pity you. Whoever you are if you are reading this post and at some point have not thought of someone else's happiness before acting out your selfishness, and your inability to stay focused. There's a special hell for you. No not the one where you die first. The one that lives with you. And you may not ever understand what you have done if by your actions, you have caused another human whom you promised to love pain.

Pause. Look and Think.

#np: Right Side Of My Brain ~ The Dream

Monday, December 7, 2009

Tequila and Lime, but this time with a twist ;)

No I haven't been drinking. Well I have. Just not tequila.

Hey people. I decided to start naming my friday nights or else this post would have been titled 'On another friday night, that might have turned out to be just another friday night, only it wasnt' ..... and that would have been a bit much. And yes, this post is about a friday night. Two friday nights ago actually. The night of Lami's album lunch amongst other things.(which i shall surely talk about in a bit).

I'd planned for this friday. My dress, my hair, my shoes, my make up and all the other things people could see. What they couldnt see, I had planned for with even more ferocity than the things they could see. I had decided to play a part. I pride myself on being a good actress. Forget tears and all that. I can break out in sweat. A lot more interesting i tell you. For this friday night, I decided to play Quicksilver. In my head that'll be like Beyonce's Sasha Fierce. Without the Sasha Fierce body but nonetheless hot like fire, within reach but not quite close enough for you to hold on to. Flirtatious smile, and deceptive eyes. You know, the type that boys like. Oh and i forgot my knickers at home.

Lest i forget to mention, I spent 6 bloody hours at the hairdressers' . SIX! got home at about 8pm with a headache. BB pinging in angry frustration...err actually those where the pings of all the appointments I had cancelled because of hair, mani and pedi. I sped home to get ready. Semi-bloodshot eyes due to lack of rest. Searching frantically for my Visine and another nicotine stick to keep me awake.  Got home, jumped in the bath and emerged smelling like some fantastic wareva. you get! the dress I had chosen was a grey and black sheath. Unforgiving. So short i couldnt afford to bend over. And the gorgeous navy heels. Dark eyeshadow, pale pink lipgloss and blush later, I strutted out of the house, sans knickers of course.

Next was the mad dash to the petrol station. My tank was empty and it was almost 10pm. Thank goodness for oando on awolowo road. that sorted i headed to The Moorehouse for the first of many drinks of the night. I pushed down a double henny, smiled my Quciksilver smile and left. Next was Che. I was at least 2hours late for Voltron but waiting for me was half a bottle of voddie and good friends.

Twelve straight and loving hugs later, I headed for the Oriental. High but not quite, replenished lip gloss and that Oh so inviting smile in place i strutted into the lobby. from one man to the other. Blowing kisses here and there, smiling my way through it all. I owned my night. Staying in one place for no longer than 5minutes, leaving goodwill in my wake. Saying promises with my eyes. The ones i never intend to fulfil.

On that same high, I left Oriental and headed for Bacchus. That was over and then GET, which i still dont get btw.

Headed to Autolounge to meet up a couple of friends. One of whom decided a blow job was in order. I reckon he's still waiting for it. If you are reading this darling, I suggest you stop waiting. Aint gonna happen.

It might have been about 4.30a.m when i headed to an after party at a friend's in ikoyi. I was promised Belvedere, breakfast and some more dancing. Still in part, i added cute, spoilt and drunk. Creating a whole different Quicksilver. She was beautiful and fun. bending over mid dance, pouting and pinching.

Steak, Scrambled eggs, baked beans and toast, washed down with some more vodka and it was 6am.

Drove home with the promise of a hangover and a smile on my face.


Rewind to Oriental. I met a guy who in due time, shall make really terrific music. For he already has. His rap is beautiful. Almost wistful, if you can ever call rap that. I heard one of his earlier songs called 'Ready for That' and all i can say is I'm ready for this. The song struck a chord in me. the chord that identifies with good music. It spoke to my soul and said words like "i'll heal you', 'I'll make it better'. And for everyday i have listened to this song, I have had one real smile on my face. I pray for more. His name is Loose Kaynon.

Sadly I cannot post a link to that particular song. I shall however gift you with another terrific song from Loose Kaynon. This time featuring Mr Incredible, M.I. ~ Must Be


Thursday, December 3, 2009

~Champagne for My real friends, Real pain for my sham friends~

Taking leave from Fall Out Boy to use the name of their song as the title of this post. Thanks in advance.

I love my friends. I wont tell you why. But I need to say thanks. Firstly for laughter. Oh how you guys give me laughter. Even now, when its sad and brittle. Thank you for your collective shoulders. For the outrage you feel on my behalf. For the enless pings, and phonecalls you endure as you carry me now. I am thankful.

I know that God will never give me more than I can bear, but i thank Him for sending me angels this time.

What I would not talk about. at least not here


Somewhere in my imagination, in a bottle that refused to go away'

The title of this post never fails to make me laugh. it reminds me of a happier time. When i was truly happy. But i wont talk about that time. Instead i'll tell u about the bottle...

It was a wine bottle. I'd love to fib and say it was a 1978 Chateau Margaux, it was not. I dont even remember the name not to speak of its year. You might wonder why it seems like i'm trying to make you hate the bottle ab initio. i'm not. I just need to make you understand that it was an ordinary bottle.

Anyways my boyfriend and i had gone away for the weekend to this little beach resort..i'd say quaint, but it'd have to be pretty to be quaint (I.M.O). But it was a fantastic place. We even got an upgrade!!!! And the beach was clean. The sand went on for what seemed like miles. Almost sparkly. The ocean; sometimes blue, sometimes gray, sometimes green and sometimes brown. A lonely hammock swaying to the tune of the wind. Almost surely picturesque.

After dinner we walked to the beach front and contemplated the moon (couldnt find a better word). Empty bottle of wine in hand i waded about 2 feet into the water and flung dear nameless bottle of wine into the sea. As Nicholas Sparks might have in 'Message in a Bottle' and prayed that someone might find it. Not like i wrote a letter and anything sha. Imagine if a mammi water found it...ya dig?

Then i toyed with all sorts of ideas. Imagine if the bottle hit a mammi water on the head and she decides to punish me by tampering with my reality and making me think i was like that dude in 'castaway'..or imagine if there was actually a dude like that and the bottle got to him and decides to start worshipping it instead, and the ball decides to haunt me because i took away its devotee...

So i willed the bottle to come back...i knelt at the sea and howled at the moon(ok that was for an entirely different reason).

The next morning i decided to run along the shore, bottle forgotten. I figured i could take the ball down and pacify the mammi i ran, or jogged, or speed walked along the shore, dodging crab holes (ever had a crab crawl into ur knickers?, well neither have i and i wasnt about to find out how it'd feel) staying at least 2 feet away from the water's edge. And ran into the bottle. and stumbled, and fell.

I held up the bottle, triumphiant. like a king would in bringing home spoils from battle. I held the bottle and saw that it had fought a battle with the sea. and it won.

I didnt take the bottle home. I filled it with sand and buried it buy the shore. If you go there, and you stumble across my bottle because it has refused to stay buried, please say hi.

#whispering : i havent flown of my rocker..not yet. i just really liked dear nameless bottle