Sunday, May 29, 2011


What is your colour? I was thinking to myself this morning about how I
didn't give a thought to the colour purple until Boluwatife Jacobs
entered my life. And how her love for purple rubbed off on me,
erstwhile pure lover of grey. You can say she coloured my world. Not
so much with the colour itself but with her happy "I don't have a care
in the world" attitude. And this made me wonder if perhaps I have
added such colour to your life. If I have, what colour have I been?

Have I been the colour black? Filled with nothingness, the greatest
paradox if there ever was one? Or mayhaps I have been yellow. Always a
laugh and a half. Have I been the colour blue? Solid dependable blue.
Calm and self assured. Never wavering. An ever-fixed mark?

Surely, I have been the colour violet? Deep and vibrant. A living,
breathing embodiment of electricity. Sometimes touch and go but still
self-replenishing. Drawing energy from all around me and making my
own, expressing it all in my own way.

I met someone who makes me see nothing but pale rose. The sunglasses
with which my pilgrim soul sees the world are once again tainted with
colour. This person has seen me, known me and called me for what I am.
A dreamer.

Tell me baby, what is your colour?

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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Let me know, Let me know

I just reaLly hope that you think of me,cos I'm trying to be unforgettable

For some reason I think I may have lost the ability to write my heart
out. It doesn't seem like a case of writer's bLoc. Just a seemingly
unshakable reluctance. Some part of me is willing while the rest of me
is saying a big fat no. I come up with some one liners that are
reminiscent of the posts I used to write circa 2010 but that's all
...disjointed one liners.

You see the issue is that I write with my heart. So 95percent of the
time I don't know beforehand what I'm going to write about. But what
happens when my heart decides to take a vacation? It leaves me well
and truly screwed. I have a a halfway house worth of posts. Words to
capture emotions at certain points in time. Posts going nowhere,
lifetimes that they may have lived. "Where are our lives before we
have lived it?"

Neefemi, read "Calais" by kathleen Winsor. I think I may have read it
too early. At 14 it taught me melancholy and the infinite sadness. Ten
years later and it still affects me like the first time. Yeah , that's
the book I wanted for my birthday.

"True love can never be relied upon to have completely exhausted
itself in its lifetime" u agree? I miss my ex. Really badly
recently. We haven't spoken since november.

Have you read Dante Alighieri's "the divine comedy"? It was originally
written in italian. But here's an excerpt ...

"Remember tonight for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a
reward for persisting through life so long alone. The belief in each
other and the possibility of love. A decision, to ignore or simply
rise above the pain of the past. The covenant, which at once binds two
souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration, of the chance taken,
and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger
than one. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For
tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world for
feelings long held. Promises made long ago in the sacred space of our

I haven't read words so beautiful, before and after.

I still believe in love. I think. Even though I recently told someone
that I'm no longer a believer.

I am a dreamer. Its in my heart and in my mouth. Someone told me
recently to "chase my dreams and when I find it, to live the life that
I dreamed" good or bad advice? To each his own.

I hadn't cried in a while. Until recently. Been tearing up a lot
recently. PMSing or something else? What happens when you break yin
from yang? An incomplete circle. "I do not come to you by chance"....I
miss you. "I just really hope that you think of me"...

"Lest you and I who love wake up one morning, strangers, enemies in an
alien world far off" did I end up here alone?

"I have saved nothing with which to protect myself..."

So all I'm saying is ...

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Saturday, May 14, 2011

Putting on my big girl shoes

Hi all...I know its been a while. But I really haven't had anything to
say. simply because I didn't seem to be able to adequately express
myself or explain what was going on inside my head.

Anyways that's another post entirely. This one is about the choices
I've made or rather decided to make. I'm quitting my job yo! This
month, with no new job lined up, I'm saying goodbye to KPMG. Someone
here might call me crazy, irrational maybe. Or maybe just more than
one someone. But before you judge me, hear me out.

Have you ever felt like you were just sitting around waiting for your
life to happen? And that whatever happens in between is acceptable
until your life actually happens? But then as days, months and years
pass the feeling fades into that nagging,mocking voice at the back of
your mind as you cannot remember for reward nor ransom what it was you
first loved.

Over the years I've had this feeling. At first I thought it'd go away
but it didn't. Until it got so bad that some days I felt like I was
drowning in all of it. Don't label me ungrateful as some might say. I
am grateful to God for the job I have, the job that puts petrol in my
car and clothes on my back.

But...its time for me to get on with my life. One huge step at a time.
Fingers crossed, heart filled with hope and what I perceive from the
beating in there, as a signal that the best is yet to come.

Love and Peace,

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The day the Lord has made

Its 5.58am and i am the first of the bridesmaids to wake up. Although
i am not the maid of honour, i am the one in charge. Its Saturday 14th
and one of my best friends is getting married today. Do you remember
my cousin who was supposed to get married last year then her dad uncle
Frank died? Well its the same one. Yup!, she's finally here. And as
the sounds of rainfall filter into my bedroom, where incidentally we
are all piled up in, I smile to myself as I know without a doubt in my
heart that this is the day the Lord has made. Not the date from last
year, no. This one, 14 May 2011

As head of the bridesmaids (not the chief), she is my main
responsibility for the day. Last night I moisturized my special caviar
into her skin and sprayed peppermint essence on her feet while
together with the 6 or so other girls here we recalled tales from our
childhood. My mother comes into the room at about 12:30am and orders
us all to bed. We all burst into laughter and as I see her watching
me, I know what she's thinking. My answer last night would have been
"yeah yeah whatever". But this morning, my answer is "I will get
married on the day the Lord has made".

Sometimes, certain things happen in our lives that attempt to cancel
or delay plans already made. Do not worry, do not fret, because it
only means that the day the Lord has made is on its way.

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