meaningful ramblings

It's the end of a decade. A decade well lived? let god be the judge of that. But if I should die tonight, I shall say it was a beautiful decade. I made friends, and I lost friends. I became born again, and I strayed far away. I had sex, fell in love, had my heart broken and i'm mending nicely. I tested my alcohol limits and took drugs. I joined hi5, zorpia, facebook and twitter. I graduated top 2 in my class, won an award, and started a career. I fell deeply in love with music, and wrote a short story. I saw a black man become American president, and saw a nigerian try to bomb a plane. I fancied myself as a character in a tv series and often felt like I was watching my life from the outside. I learned that we underestimate the power of self. Self-love, self-worth, Self-help, e.t.c. The things we fear we cannot do on our own, the power we feel we lack. But we can do anything we set our mind to. only if we can set the fear free. I have learned that "i restore myself when I

~I'm coming apart at the seams, pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams, now buzz, buzz, buzz, doc there's a hole where something was, doc there's a hole where something was...~ Those are the opening lines of 'Disloyal order of Water Buffaloes', an amazing song by Fall Out Boy. By now you must know that I love FOB. that being said, those lines are so hauntingly beautiful and have for the past few weeks been the summation of my state of mind, amongst other things... However, seeing as this is my blog of light and happiness, i wont talk about those feelings here. Instead, i'll quote a line from the song and tell you what I think. This sorta feels like Harry Essang's lit class. Anyways.... "I promise you anything for another shot at life,imperfect boys with their perfect lives, nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy" I understand the feeling of desperation, when you' give anything to have just one thing back. even for a

Seriously though! WTF is wrong with boys nowadays. No i'm not venting. At least not on here. But i'll ask my question again...WTF IS WRONG WITH BOYS NOWADAYS!!! In the past three weeks, all i've heard about relationships is news of couples breaking up. or rather boys breaking up with their girlfriends and for the same inane reason. 'I'm tired'......errr.....you weren't so tired when u were climbing between her legs last night were you? What is it that causes the male species to just go funny. Now i'm not saying girls are innocent or nothing. Far from it. I even consider myself as some form of a leader of girls going funny. So thats not it. I'm merely here to examine. So i'm hoping for comments. As to what brought on this campaign, i heard yesterday of another 'I'm tired, so i'm leaving you'....another one too many. And I just dont get it. You bandy the relationship about for weeks, months, years, and wake up one day tired. You

No I haven't been drinking. Well I have. Just not tequila. Hey people. I decided to start naming my friday nights or else this post would have been titled 'On another friday night, that might have turned out to be just another friday night, only it wasnt' ..... and that would have been a bit much. And yes, this post is about a friday night. Two friday nights ago actually. The night of Lami's album lunch amongst other things.(which i shall surely talk about in a bit). I'd planned for this friday. My dress, my hair, my shoes, my make up and all the other things people could see. What they couldnt see, I had planned for with even more ferocity than the things they could see. I had decided to play a part. I pride myself on being a good actress. Forget tears and all that. I can break out in sweat. A lot more interesting i tell you. For this friday night, I decided to play Quicksilver. In my head that'll be like Beyonce's Sasha Fierce. Without the Sasha Fierce

Taking leave from Fall Out Boy to use the name of their song as the title of this post. Thanks in advance. I love my friends. I wont tell you why. But I need to say thanks. Firstly for laughter. Oh how you guys give me laughter. Even now, when its sad and brittle. Thank you for your collective shoulders. For the outrage you feel on my behalf. For the enless pings, and phonecalls you endure as you carry me now. I am thankful. I know that God will never give me more than I can bear, but i thank Him for sending me angels this time.

htttp://audeo-lettersfromhell.blogspot.com

The title of this post never fails to make me laugh. it reminds me of a happier time. When i was truly happy. But i wont talk about that time. Instead i'll tell u about the bottle... It was a wine bottle. I'd love to fib and say it was a 1978 Chateau Margaux, it was not. I dont even remember the name not to speak of its year. You might wonder why it seems like i'm trying to make you hate the bottle ab initio. i'm not. I just need to make you understand that it was an ordinary bottle. Anyways my boyfriend and i had gone away for the weekend to this little beach resort..i'd say quaint, but it'd have to be pretty to be quaint (I.M.O). But it was a fantastic place. We even got an upgrade!!!! And the beach was clean. The sand went on for what seemed like miles. Almost sparkly. The ocean; sometimes blue, sometimes gray, sometimes green and sometimes brown. A lonely hammock swaying to the tune of the wind. Almost surely picturesque. After dinner we walked to the

"#deepdowninside: I want to be different." "#deepdowninside: I want to be stronger, I want to be taller, I want to be lighter, shorter, thinner, fatter","deepdowninside: I want him/her to like me", "#deepdowninside: I don't want to be here".....These are not my desires. Neither are they the desires of any particular person....I borrowed the hashtag from twitter just so that I can write about what we really want. The desires we keep to ourselves, sometimes out of fear, sometimes because we know that if we do want we want we may disturb the balance of karma or some higher power. The things we want to do but don't because we know we may hurt those closest to us with our single mindedness as one might if one was finally allowed to do the things they deeply desire. Thanks to my twit family I was privy to a sample of the things we want deep down inside and I realised that we all want basically the same things, even though everytime, the actions

I'm smiling. Not the smile that signifies that one is pleased with something. But the type that signifies the state of one's life. The type that allows laughter to spring forth. Not the laughter of amusement,but the one induced by joy. So I may say I am joyful. I don't need to say why,you already know. So I'll say something you don't know. My heart stops. No not in a heart attack way,else I'll probably not be writing this post, it stops for a second everytime you smile at me. For in that smile I am reborne. I feel us growing, towards each other, and no I am not afraid. I feel us feeling our way around this thing we've discovered.Not as one looking for the right path in darkness, but as one seeking to try new things, and that in itself is a signal of courage. I hear your thots as clearly as if they were mine, and I know you hear mine as clearly as if they were yours. Your eyes tell me everything you don't say with your mouth. So I'm sitting here, grow

I love friday nights,or rather I used to. I love dressing up to go out. I love planning every detail.The hair,the underwear,the accessories,the perfume,the shoes, and finally the outfit. However,my dear friend,those are the only things I plan for. I don't plan for the madness, or the excitement. I don't plan to stumble out of the club grinning like a buffoon at 4am and hurrying to grab some chinese to soak up the alcohol. No I don't plan for it. But I relish it. Took a trip down memory lane recently and these are the things I dug up; June 2006: At Churrasco with Karima,Lateefah and Abby. Doing BOGOF on cocktails.of course the bartenders didn't know about that.but there were lotsa people and surely they didn't mind. Especially when I was leaninig over the bar in that slinky halter and ordering the "free" drinks. Met my ex,ex,ex that night.now I know what mother meant when she said don't meet a guy in the club Sept 2007: At the 21st bday bash.Ex,Ex Ex bf

I don't have enough words. Just thinking about this man brings tears to my eyes. He told me that I'm that blank piece in scrabble, the part that completes all his words. But how do I get him to understand that I know that. And I know that he's that part of me...the good part. I was the one with the fully depreciated heart. I didn't have anything else to give. Because I had given up on giving. But how did he know that I had that store. That part that I always kept back. The part that was always on the outside looking in. I see him looking at me and I know what he's thinking.I see the love in his eyes. He cannot believe it and neither can I. How am I supposed to have the words for that. I can't call it love because I don't know what love is, for I haven't seen it before. For if I have, I may recognise it. So here I am, holding him in my heart, holding tightly lest I wake up and he's gone, as a dream might if one woke up. So I'm telling him that I k

You know how it is when you just get into a relationship. Everything is different. Brighter, more colourful, seems like everyone is happier. You feel almost...invincible. Yes you know what i mean. Now i'm not referring to a shag and drop, but a real relationship. the type that involves two people that care for and about each other and are excited about each other. Yes, that type. The type that realises that game has met game, but identifies it, and drops it. The type that involves telling each other the truth. Yes, that type. So do you remember? aaaahh. I can see that you do. I'm sure that by now you'd have guessed that I am the recepient of such a fate. Yes...I am. I am in such a relationship. I find that my steps are lighter, music sounds better, the clouds are bluer, the sun is brighter and my smile is wider. The 'ping' of my blackberry messenger never sounded sweeter. Kissing has never been this fun. The world is a better place. Should i talk about him? I fear

Long header right? I know.Started writing this post two weeks ago when the header formed itself in my mind. But I didn't havr a body.Now I do. Life as I've learnt,happens. The only way to stop it frim happening is to die.drastic right? So I decided to always flow with it, seeing as I'm not in the mood to kill myself. Life comes with good and bad,fortune, fame, and misfortune. How you deal with it is entirely up to you. I have learnt that life doesn't owe you any apologies. It was here first and can do what it likes. I have also learnt that some things are unexplainable. No matter how hard science tries. Like meeting someone you've never seen before but u can swear that you have seen the person before. Or something happens and u can swear that the same thing has happened before. Or meeting someone and feeling that that is why u were created. Your purpose is to love that person completely and without holding anything back. That I believe is unexplainable. I didn't

I guess you're wondering if i've suddenly experienced an epiphany and have suddenly changed my ways. No such luck darlings. I'm still the same mean lascivious human i know. I hope! Anyways, i have'nt seen any visions and i'm not the one that is "brand nu". It's Drake's "Brand New" that has got my knickers in a twist so badly that i have to blog about it. Have you heard this song?if you have'nt, google it. Its a fantastic piece of work. The ultimate baby-making song. Makes you wanna do things. The melody caresses you while ur driving home from work at 10pm, tired and cranky. The words speak to your unconscious mind and ask you.."is anything he's/she's doing brand new?" This song is sexy in its form and its content. when i listen to this song, it feels like im eating oysters. Decadent. Anyways, here's a lil gift from me to you. Enjoy.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggHJwJ-KpF0

meaningful ramblings: Return

So i've been away awhile. almost a year and a half! But i'm back. Alot has happened. too much infact. Ive had my heart broken time after time, and i've broken a few hearts, but never the same one twice. The last year plus has seen me happy at times, and sad most times. But ive missed this. I've missed pouring my heart out like this. Many a time i have woken up with tears on my lashes cos i took my pain with me to sleep. But my heart has healed itself many times over. Too much infact because as i write this I fear that i have lost the inability to truly care about someone. The person that told me i was going to lose that childlike innocence and naivete was right. She was damn right. However, i will not bore you with my pain nor trouble you with my fears. I will neither want you to experience my hurt nor expect you to want my happiness. Therefore, i shall tell you about my escape, my music, my life. Music has always been there for me. Even when i went days without listeni