So i've been away awhile. almost a year and a half! But i'm back. Alot has happened. too much infact. Ive had my heart broken time after time, and i've broken a few hearts, but never the same one twice. The last year plus has seen me happy at times, and sad most times. But ive missed this. I've missed pouring my heart out like this. Many a time i have woken up with tears on my lashes cos i took my pain with me to sleep. But my heart has healed itself many times over. Too much infact because as i write this I fear that i have lost the inability to truly care about someone. The person that told me i was going to lose that childlike innocence and naivete was right. She was damn right.
However, i will not bore you with my pain nor trouble you with my fears. I will neither want you to experience my hurt nor expect you to want my happiness. Therefore, i shall tell you about my escape, my music, my life.
Music has always been there for me. Even when i went days without listening to him, he'd still be there. Music is the food that my soul eats, he is the tonic that heals my heart. When Tunji* said he was getting married to someone else, he held my heart in his hand and let me cry as he spoke soothing words into my ears. He filled me when i wouldnt eat for days cos i felt like my life had ended so there was no need. He saw me when my eyes were puffy from crying and lack of sleep and comforted me till i could face the world.
Music stayed up with me when i stayed up all night cos i couldnt sleep for fear of bad dreams. Music listened when i poured out my heart, worried that my life would never be the same again. He held my broken heart and pieced it back together. He filled in for the pieces that were lost along the way and nourished my hearts wounds so that it didnt scar. And when i was ready to walk alone,he whispered soothing words at me, not intruding, but giving me strength when i needed it. When i lay my head to sleep at night, my face hurting from sticking a smile in place cos i was afraid that any other facial expression would lead me to burst into tears, he would tell me things that eased my tension and the headaches that just wouldn quit. I am short for words.
Music laughs with me when I laugh and grieves with me when i grieve. He stays awake with me when i need to be and takes me to sleep when I need to. he listens to my dreams and helps me with my hopes. He admits my bad manners and indulges the quirks in my nature. He's always there. Even now as i write this post.
So seating here in my training, i'm with one ear listening to the lecturer and with the other, listening to my music and again i am reminded that no matter what happens or where i am, i can "lie in the sound" and let music take over.