Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Tide That Left and Never Came Back

I can't write. Because I'm afraid ill let out too much. And that if I do, there'll be nothing else to hold me together.

I can't talk. Because it changes nothing.

Talking changes nothing.

P.s. My birthday is in 2days. And I wish I could sleep through it. Just another reminder of things I can't have.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

What Youth Must Be

"I'm thinking the deepest definition of youth must be...life as yet untouched by tragedy...the loss of a great love" ...


Someone sent that to me yesterday and asked for my thoughts. I replied with "Eyes that have not seen pain and a heart that has not borne anguish. Lips that have yet to kiss a lover goodbye and arms that have yet to replace a loved one with a pillow. Mouth untouched by deep sighs of longing and a memory that does not hold dreams that were made to die."

I fear that my youth went away and left me behind... so here i stand, like Dorothy, clicking my heels for my return to a home that never was.
What are your thoughts on youth?

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

~to call from hands of above to lean on, wouldn't be good enough...for me no~

Losing the ability to write is one of the things i fear the most. When my mind is too clogged that i cant get the feelings out. That my heart refuses to connect with my head and i cant formulate the words. I want to write to capture the feeling of falling in love. I want to my words to make you feel the pain of heartbreak. I want you to feel the sting of opportunities missed, the terror of waiting at the bottom of a rainbow that never came, waiting at the port for a boat that never left its shores. The pain in erasing dreams that were never allowed to come true....

Can you feel that pull in your stomach; can you hear the heavy sounds of silence? Can you feel the choking in your throat? Can't you hear your heart stop, your eyelids filling with tears as you struggle to understand why. Can you feel yourself losing faith? Not just in God but in yourself...Do you remember the exact moment when happiness left? Can you see the struggling through eyes killed by pain and fear? Can you hear your silent screams? Can you feel that physical pain?

What do you do when you are at the edge of a bridge? Behind you is a steel wall that refuses to budge and in front of you is nothing but a endless sea of black, a ravine that you may never climb out from? What do you do when you have to struggle with second after second and still can't find your way to one minute? What do you do when the other side of the phone refuses to respond because it's meant to be for your own good? What do you do when once more is too much? When you struggle to replace reality with a dream, even one that doesn't quite fit,...because you know that you are only putting off the inevitable...

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN