Sunday, September 20, 2009

Relics of a Friday Night. Last night and once upon a time

I love friday nights,or rather I used to. I love dressing up to go out. I love planning every detail.The hair,the underwear,the accessories,the perfume,the shoes, and finally the outfit. However,my dear friend,those are the only things I plan for. I don't plan for the madness, or the excitement. I don't plan to stumble out of the club grinning like a buffoon at 4am and hurrying to grab some chinese to soak up the alcohol. No I don't plan for it. But I relish it. Took a trip down memory lane recently and these are the things I dug up;

June 2006: At Churrasco with Karima,Lateefah and Abby. Doing BOGOF on cocktails.of course the bartenders didn't know about that.but there were lotsa people and surely they didn't mind. Especially when I was leaninig over the bar in that slinky halter and ordering the "free" drinks. Met my ex,ex,ex that night.now I know what mother meant when she said don't meet a guy in the club

Sept 2007: At the 21st bday bash.Ex,Ex Ex bf gave me E pills and a crate of champagne as bday presents.(See what I meant abt meeting guys at the club). I was higher than high and remember two things from that night;kissing a random chic and rubbing vigorously against a pole at The Vault.was wearing a dress.

July 2008: In Abuja on a job. Met the hunky half brazilian boy unpredictably called Luis. Went out together and then went back to his. Was seeing "boyfriend" signs until I went into his all black marble bathroom to freshen up and I saw a tray with six lines of cocaine on the bathroom table. He even offered to lick it off my stomach.I muttered something abt it being the wrong time of the month and running out. For once I wasn't drnk. Thank God.

Decemeber 2008: Finally realised that was not my friend after a two-day old hangover.

September 2009: Drinks with friends turn out to be a fab night.woke up at 2pm the next day missing a fingernail(artificial) , with a huge bump on my forehead.

See why I love fridays?

Saturday, September 19, 2009

The Good Part

I don't have enough words. Just thinking about this man brings tears to my eyes. He told me that I'm that blank piece in scrabble, the part that completes all his words. But how do I get him to understand that I know that. And I know that he's that part of me...the good part. I was the one with the fully depreciated heart. I didn't have anything else to give. Because I had given up on giving. But how did he know that I had that store. That part that I always kept back. The part that was always on the outside looking in. I see him looking at me and I know what he's thinking.I see the love in his eyes. He cannot believe it and neither can I. How am I supposed to have the words for that. I can't call it love because I don't know what love is, for I haven't seen it before. For if I have, I may recognise it. So here I am, holding him in my heart, holding tightly lest I wake up and he's gone, as a dream might if one woke up. So I'm telling him that I know what I feel. What I know. He holds me. My essence, my being. If ever such a thing was possible, I have seen it. And I'm not dreaming. He's the good part. And I love the good part.
#nowplaying "so into you" ~ Fabulous ft Ashanti

Monday, September 14, 2009

Things are Different now. For now.

You know how it is when you just get into a relationship. Everything is different. Brighter, more colourful, seems like everyone is happier. You feel almost...invincible. Yes you know what i mean. Now i'm not referring to a shag and drop, but a real relationship. the type that involves two people that care for and about each other and are excited about each other. Yes, that type. The type that realises that game has met game, but identifies it, and drops it. The type that involves telling each other the truth. Yes, that type. So do you remember? aaaahh. I can see that you do.

I'm sure that by now you'd have guessed that I am the recepient of such a fate. Yes...I am. I am in such a relationship. I find that my steps are lighter, music sounds better, the clouds are bluer, the sun is brighter and my smile is wider. The 'ping' of my blackberry messenger never sounded sweeter. Kissing has never been this fun. The world is a better place.

Should i talk about him? I fear that I should not else I jinx it. But i shall say this, I thank God for him. For the happiness in my heart, for the poetry he sends to me, for everytime he opens the door for me to walk through, for everytime he pulls out the chair for me to sit. For everytime he says "my girlfriend"and for every sacrifice he makes, for I know he makes them and for the music he has sent my way. I am learning him and he is learning me.

I know its new and this might pass. But i wont forget the happiness I feel right now. At this moment, sitting at my desk, the smile on face, my earphones in my ear, writing this post.

#nowplaying "Heartbeats" - Jose Gonzales

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Of Kismet, Of Dejavu,of randomness,of order and all things inbetween

Long header right? I know.Started writing this post two weeks ago when the header formed itself in my mind. But I didn't havr a body.Now I do.
Life as I've learnt,happens. The only way to stop it frim happening is to die.drastic right? So I decided to always flow with it, seeing as I'm not in the mood to kill myself. Life comes with good and bad,fortune, fame, and misfortune. How you deal with it is entirely up to you. I have learnt that life doesn't owe you any apologies. It was here first and can do what it likes.

I have also learnt that some things are unexplainable. No matter how hard science tries. Like meeting someone you've never seen before but u can swear that you have seen the person before. Or something happens and u can swear that the same thing has happened before. Or meeting someone and feeling that that is why u were created. Your purpose is to love that person completely and without holding anything back. That I believe is unexplainable.
I didn't plan this,didn't plan to be in love,didn't even want it. Now I know that I cannot be me without this love. I have seized to find order in life. To go with it,because it brought me you. And you brought me love.

I have also learnt that although life throws you curveballs,digs trenches infront of you and erects mountains infront you, YOU are the author of your destiny. And you write your destiny the split second in which you decide how to react to a situation.Do you run and hide?, do you cower in fear with ur arms over ur head? Or do u jump on a surfboard,shake ur head in laughter and glide through or over it. Whatever you choose, know that you are changing you fate, in a split second.

What do you choose? I chose to surf.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Brand Nu

I guess you're wondering if i've suddenly experienced an epiphany and have suddenly changed my ways. No such luck darlings. I'm still the same mean lascivious human i know. I hope! Anyways, i have'nt seen any visions and i'm not the one that is "brand nu". It's Drake's "Brand New" that has got my knickers in a twist so badly that i have to blog about it.

Have you heard this song?if you have'nt, google it. Its a fantastic piece of work. The ultimate baby-making song. Makes you wanna do things. The melody caresses you while ur driving home from work at 10pm, tired and cranky. The words speak to your unconscious mind and ask you.."is anything he's/she's doing brand new?" This song is sexy in its form and its content. when i listen to this song, it feels like im eating oysters. Decadent.

Anyways, here's a lil gift from me to you. Enjoy....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggHJwJ-KpF0

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Return

So i've been away awhile. almost a year and a half! But i'm back. Alot has happened. too much infact. Ive had my heart broken time after time, and i've broken a few hearts, but never the same one twice. The last year plus has seen me happy at times, and sad most times. But ive missed this. I've missed pouring my heart out like this. Many a time i have woken up with tears on my lashes cos i took my pain with me to sleep. But my heart has healed itself many times over. Too much infact because as i write this I fear that i have lost the inability to truly care about someone. The person that told me i was going to lose that childlike innocence and naivete was right. She was damn right.

However, i will not bore you with my pain nor trouble you with my fears. I will neither want you to experience my hurt nor expect you to want my happiness. Therefore, i shall tell you about my escape, my music, my life.

Music has always been there for me. Even when i went days without listening to him, he'd still be there. Music is the food that my soul eats, he is the tonic that heals my heart. When Tunji* said he was getting married to someone else, he held my heart in his hand and let me cry as he spoke soothing words into my ears. He filled me when i wouldnt eat for days cos i felt like my life had ended so there was no need. He saw me when my eyes were puffy from crying and lack of sleep and comforted me till i could face the world.

Music stayed up with me when i stayed up all night cos i couldnt sleep for fear of bad dreams. Music listened when i poured out my heart, worried that my life would never be the same again. He held my broken heart and pieced it back together. He filled in for the pieces that were lost along the way and nourished my hearts wounds so that it didnt scar. And when i was ready to walk alone,he whispered soothing words at me, not intruding, but giving me strength when i needed it. When i lay my head to sleep at night, my face hurting from sticking a smile in place cos i was afraid that any other facial expression would lead me to burst into tears, he would tell me things that eased my tension and the headaches that just wouldn quit. I am short for words.

Music laughs with me when I laugh and grieves with me when i grieve. He stays awake with me when i need to be and takes me to sleep when I need to. he listens to my dreams and helps me with my hopes. He admits my bad manners and indulges the quirks in my nature. He's always there. Even now as i write this post.

So seating here in my training, i'm with one ear listening to the lecturer and with the other, listening to my music and again i am reminded that no matter what happens or where i am, i can "lie in the sound" and let music take over.

#now playing.......