Thursday, April 18, 2013

18 April, 2013

It's been over a year since I wrote anything. The struggle to capture my thoughts, a war...I refuse to be writ they said. And even when sometimes I won, I looked at them, a writhing mass of part confusion, part happiness. Some pain and heartbreak and disappointment. Some parts remembering mistakes made and some part still hopeful. And I can't. I just cannot.

In recent time I have found discipline with regards to these. A projection of some sort. Not exactly protection. I feel it but not really. It's not really happening to me. And if I deny that they are mine how can I write them? 

Sometimes I cry but I don't know why I'm crying. No particular pain, no hurt I can think of. But my sub-conscious feels what I do not. Like now.

I am still not saying anything. but i am saying everything.
 
I am counting the days of this limbo. We are almost at 3 years.