Skip to main content

Only ever been you

its only ever been you. I know how saying this might seem incongruous to you dear reader, pitiful perhaps, but see it as you must. Saying stuff like that might imply that you have been with someone for eons. But when you've had years of something different, one other thing seems like a lifetime. Perhaps therein lies my favourite question, "where were we before our lives began?". This life not as you would think it to be, say perhaps the existence of breath in one's lungs. But the life which you start when u feel something in you has changed. That point when you feel something is different. Lest I stray too far from my course, hold on tight.

I am lying in my bed, naked and its past midnight. I'd put the time to be somewhere close to 1am, due to the number of times the generator has gone on and off. Yeah #lightupnigeria. Anyways I'm here struggling for sleep and just before I drift off, the words "its always been you" came to my mind. And I have this urge to tell him. Not in a please come back or I die way. Past that stage already thank you very much. But in a "just so you know" way. Because my life began the first time I said "I love you".

When a relationship ends, people expect you to just jump up and continue living, as if scaling over that last speed bump in the road. And not even those mountain high ones, where u feel the entire innards of ur car are gonna fall out. But those really low ones that I feel are there just so u feel the government have tried for u and if u don't slow down, well...whatever happens. Sorry again I meander off.... But my point is people expect u too just move on. Like words weren't said, feelings felt, hands held or tears wept.

What exactly I'm meant to be writing about, I don't even know. I'm not really sure. My first thought was to send u a message. But that may have been too personal, even if it is personal. So this. I'm reading this book called "the other side of the story" and although its lovely, its not holding my attention. Not the way you always did, especially with that funny formless number one and only dance step. (Its a cross between at least five others if u haven't seen it). But do I miss you, yes I do. Sometimes its easy, sometimes its not. And if I didn't chat with you sometimes, I'd pretend to myself that you were dead. Not that I want that to happen. Didn't even think it. Long live the King.

So I'm still here, forcing myself to sleep (no valium for me please). And I know when I finally do, ill be thinking the same thing. its only ever been you.

xxx

B
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Comments

Jayla. said…
Its been only 3 months.... its allowed to miss someone u had lovely times with.
Chychy said…
oh my i can so relate with this...nice 1 Chica!
SOLOMONSYDELLE said…
nice one. Hoping all is well, nonetheless

Popular posts from this blog

~~Tuesdays' Thoughts: Ma wo oju Uche~~

~~Ever heard the phrase Ma wo oju Uche (no look Uche face/ dont look at Uche's face)? I heard it two or so years ago and for the life of me I couldnt fathom what it was supposed to me. Ladies and gentlemen, I have come to the end of my pondering. At 7am this morning, it hit me. i was in the shower when it did. And my verdict? Yoruba people are wicked. why? Uche is a unisex name right? Medusa was a woman right? (not sure about that thoe...the people in that period dint discriminate..man, woman, goat..etc) And you couldnt look in medusa's face too.  See.....(u dont see? :'( it made sense at 7am). But why use Uche thoe...it makes sense jor. Dont look at Uche = Dont look at Medusa = Mind where you put your eye = Dont be convetious...see...are you proud of me yet? ~~

~~Yoruba movies are hilarious. I stayed up last night watching one called Ipese on African Magic yoruba (dont ask me how. It had subtitles). It left me in stitches. Everything was a comic freakshow. If you are ever…

Who Am I

If I asked you to describe yourself, what words would you use? Would you describe yourself in a one line sentence, stating the obvious? Would you be funny, smart, beautiful, tall and 25? Or would you be melancholic, choleric, sanguine and a libra. Would you be sexy and have oloju come and do? Would you be dedicated and courageous and driven and afraid? Lol...I just described myself as I would have, a long time ago.

However in recent times, I have realized that I cannot describe myself in those words. Because doing that takes all the wonder out of it. If I said I was funny would you not wonder how I got to be funny? Or if I said I am by nature a lonely person, if you have met me you would immediately argue with that. But that would be because you do not know me. You do not know the experiences that have shaped me, my life. The little and big things that have combined themselves into forming me, as you see me.

Which is why when I started reading Bobo Omotayo's "London Life Lag…

No Reins Baby. No Reins.

I think all humans are born to with a predisposition to trust and to take chances. We are given first the explorer's mind; nature egging us on to explore, to feel, to experience and to conquer. To participate in something that is outside of us, sharing in the wonder. Until we start to learn, experiences shaping our individual realities in more ways than one. We start to make conclusions about life, ours in particular and the world in general and in relation to us from the results of our learning. The child who learns to walk sees that two legs up and nature forces him to get up, one step above the animal, conquering the self that is defined on two hands and knees. The child sees evidence in walking and is fuelled towards that achievement regardless of how many times he falls back on his bottom. He knows that at some point, he will retain his balance and he will stand.

It seems like as life goes on however we lose that predisposition as a result of learning and experience. Our ins…