There was a day when I laughed till I felt my innards were gonna fall out. That was a good day. There was also a day when I cried like my innards were gonna fall out. That was also a good day. You might ask why it was...well I'lll tell you. Those were the days when I felt more alive than ever. The ability to feel something so acutely that it draws such pure and primitive emotion from within.
These days I rarely have that. Not because I don't want to, or that there aren't things to laugh or cry about. But there's none that has made my knees weak, that has caused my heart to flutter and my eyes to squeeze themselves shut. Oh scratch that. There was such a day recently. That day I had to make a decision. The weight of it nearly brought me to my knees. The pain stopped my heart and blocked my ears. I typed the words witthout really seeing them. But I felt alive.
I am not here to celebrate pain. Only to find out if you know when you're alive. Have you in any moment felt that tingle? the hairs at the back of your neck rising, telling you that something is happening. How do you know that you are alive? Is it because you pinch your skin and feel pain? Or is there some other way?
Recently I've had to throw old dreams away and re-invent new ones. But I realise that the new ones are the ones which have been there all along. And the help I have needed, I have had all along. And like the re-setting of broken bones there has been much pain. But I am alive and I know it.
And I know without a doubt that these are the days of destiny.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN