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Wolfcry

After I have saved you
And gathered all the pieces of your heart
That's when it starts
Then you gain your confidence
And leave your innocence and vulnerability
With me

- Wolfcry by Gregory Porter

Can I leave my vulnerability with you? The words from that Gregory Porter song come to mind as I spend the evening pondering at the state of affairs of my heart. I sent a message to Mr A asking if i lost my vulnerability. I also said that I think I did after he broke my heart but I deleted that part before he saw it and I realised it came from the same place. The inability/refusal to be vulnerable.

G was incommunicado for 24hrs and I was part crazy part longing but every part of me screamed against the thought that I did care. Why should I? Why shouldn’t I just walk away? Simisola says I must embrace this vulnerability. It’s hard and horrible and means that I must feel. I must feel all of it. I must shed the protection around my heart. But what if it hurts? It feels familiar yet strange. Its been a while since i've been this open. It's taking significant strength to yield. An image comes to mind...

I guess this is where trust comes into play? Maybe not trust in the other person just trust in love. Or the universe? Or is it faith? That if I let this thing happen to me and if I allow it to take over me so fully that maybe just maybe?


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