meaningful ramblings

Sometimes we give up. Sometimes it hurts too much to keep on trying....especially when so much has happened. Seemingly insurmountable odds... and with a resignation in your heart, you raise that white flag. With palms bruised from holding on, eyes tired from keeping watch, you silently give up. With hopes spent and a heart hurting from longing, you inwardly acknowledge that perhaps this is too much. And even as you wordlessly accept defeat, walking away from the scene, leaving everything behind, you cant stop yourself from crawling right back and taking some of it with you. A reminder, no matter how flawed, of things best left behind, but not forgotten. Never forgotten. Always, Abimbola

There was a day when I laughed till I felt my innards were gonna fall out. That was a good day. There was also a day when I cried like my innards were gonna fall out. That was also a good day. You might ask why it was...well I'lll tell you. Those were the days when I felt more alive than ever. The ability to feel something so acutely that it draws such pure and primitive emotion from within. These days I rarely have that. Not because I don't want to, or that there aren't things to laugh or cry about. But there's none that has made my knees weak, that has caused my heart to flutter and my eyes to squeeze themselves shut. Oh scratch that. There was such a day recently. That day I had to make a decision. The weight of it nearly brought me to my knees. The pain stopped my heart and blocked my ears. I typed the words witthout really seeing them. But I felt alive. I am not here to celebrate pain. Only to find out if you know when you're alive. Have you in any momen...

I tried to write a litttle introduction to this. To tell you how long a year its been. How i've struggled with my own personal issues, as well as the issues that life has gifted me with. But i wont write that because it is mostly irrelevant, Becasue now i choose to look past it all and instead see God's hand. And of that, I am thankful. I read neefemi's post today (Happy belated birthday sugar. I'll call you soon) and I was inspired to do this (especially as my last few posts have been all gloom and doom) ... Lessons: This year has taught me a lot. It has taught me that people come and go and you can either sit down and wail about it or you can accept that frienships dont always last and that some people are only meant to be there for a while and that you can cherish it and hold the memories close. Recently I asked someone if she missed me at all...her reply was "hi". At first that hurt, then it didnt. Becasue i understood. I have also learned that althou...

Happiness, that sometimes elusive mark. shifting and shapeshifting. Until it seems that one has spent an entire lifetime trying to find and keep happiness. A friend asked me recently how I was feeling. I had only one word for him....I said that there's is a disquiet within. Funny thing is that I have never used that word before. Of that I can assure you. So where it came from I do not know, exactly. But it was apt for me. I am searching. For myself. For happiness to replace this disquiet. For life and laughter to shine through. I would tell me to stop searching and just be happy but I am of a certainty that I have not quite learned how to just be. I am constantly asking myself questions. What do I really wanna do with my life? Is this going the way it should go? Am i really happy or am I stitching together patches of good moments and trying to make them into the fabric that I will one day call my life? I used to be this focused, driven person. With a sense of purpose. But I've ...

It took me almost two days to get from London heathrow to Lagos MM. And no I wasnt jogging. It was all thanks to Virgin Atlantic airways and its recent romance with tardiness. That and the fact that the flight was riddled with several unfortunate events such as people with numerous pieces of overweight hand luggage even though the airline's allowance for each passenger is one piece weighing not more than 6kg!, people being escorted off the plane, old women with heart problems and sever allergic reactions e.t.c.Total on-board time? 12hours. While this should deter me from flying virgin atlantic ever again, it hasnt because inasmuch as it sucks ass, Virgin Atlantic flies directly to London and they are very apologetic and very rewarding. Free miles and such. Now about this idiot Nigerian mentality. When it seemed like we would not be able to fly on the first night, this Nigerian man stood up and started yelling "Nigerian, lets talk to ourselves. our greed will not put us in tr...

Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. Me and my boyfriend split up. One would think that after one month and in a totally different country that it would be easier to say. It is not. I do not harbour anger or hate or noting. Just sadness. That is all... Breakups are hard enough on their own, without it being a mutual decision due to circumstances beyond the both of you. It is not easier and i do not see the bright side. But...

I can't write. Because I'm afraid ill let out too much. And that if I do, there'll be nothing else to hold me together. I can't talk. Because it changes nothing. Talking changes nothing. P.s. My birthday is in 2days. And I wish I could sleep through it. Just another reminder of things I can't have. Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN