I'm in a very pissy mood today. Close to breaking down/losing it in fact. Ive got hormones ricocheting inside me. Its a fucking nut parade I tell you. I've gone from extremely pissed to tears in the space of one minute. Ovulation is a bitch. Give me a fucking mike and nipple patches and I might as well be Lil' kim with the way i'm cussing. Not that I care you know. It is after all my blog. So if i decide to write out the lyrics to Lil' kim's "eat my pussy right", the best you can do is cringe, not come back (please dont go, ill miss u), preach at me, or whatever else you think i'd care about.
Let me not even start cussing about the matter of hypocrisy. i'll be here the whole fucking day. And part of tomorrow. And maybe i'll win a blogger award for longest post. No? shrugs
Even the elemnts are against me. I walk out of the bank, to go to the bank and its blazing hot. Like satan's backside(don't ask how I know that.). And because Pegasus is on his period, I decided to take a taxi/walking was an option until i stepped outside. So i coulnt find a taxi and I gave up and came back in. only for the sun to disappear from the sky.
One thing I absolutely do not like about myself is that I dont know how to hold a grudge, my anger disappears almost immediately it comes and i cannot sleep if i'm upset at someone. Now some people know this, and continually take advantage of it. This isnt a fucking Dear agony aunt letter so dont give me tips on how to stay angry. I,ve already got a solution, I stop caring and the person becomes insignificant.
Now i'm normally not a bitch, neither am I catty, but some girls can get on that last raw nerve ehn. An it seems like i've had "dump crap here" written on my forehead for a few days. So my claws have come out. lemme give u a few examples:
Girl 1: Ahan bimbo, is this the only shoe you have (she said this in a group of about 5 people, who of course all laughed)
Me: ahan, sweetie. i wear these shoes cause they're comfy n shit. you, i know ur aristo. plus u mind need to check that diction, not much room at the top for people that speak like that. And u over there laughing, quit going to ikeja under bridge.
Girl: See her eating pizza after she'll say she's going to the gym (she said this in the audit room. other attendants present = 7)
Me: But i'm better than you now.i'm burning it off. Anyways i understand. There's no point for u cause u dont care about such things. You need to be careful tho. Obesity isnt attractive anymore
Girl: Bimbo u look used this morning
Me: Now that you mention it, i've been meaning to tell you the same for about a week. Whoever ure fucking is obviously not doing u right
See what I mean? And its totally unintentional.
I used to have these horribly dark moods. I think they may be here again. Days when I'm so sad it seems like my heart is breaking from it and that nothing will ever be right again. For no reason. B used to have them and it infuriated me to no end.
I feel like I am adrift in a storm. So incredibly tired. Inside and out.
"Heart dont fail me now, courage don't desert me"......"how a road can seem so long, how the world can seem so vast"
Can you tell me the source of my problems? should I tell you my dreams? I just dont know. Hold me tightly lest I fall.