Friday, July 16, 2010

Somewhere from the past

Once upon a time, there was this boy I thought I'd give everything for. Everything. I wasnt in love with him. But there was a darkness in his eyes that called to me. A certain sort of pain that called my name....,.

We met one christmas, what year it was I forget now. It was at churrasco. I was rocking rolled up boyfriend jeans, ankle boots, a white tank top and red lipstick(i rocked rolled up boyfriend jeans before princess ri ri..lol..). I looked across the bar and I saw him staring at me. Half smile on his face. And I threw my head back and laughed. He walked over to me and said "i'm going to marry you one day". And i cocked my head to one side and said "really now"......

I have always had intense relationships. Deep sadness and deep happiness. Does the fact that I mention the sadness first mean that its always been more sadness than happiness? This was no less intense than any before it. But in some ways, more.

We were never seriously physically intimate. But we connected on a level that was so much deeper. And then something bad happened to him. It broke him. Remembering it now and tears still rush to my eyes. His soul detached itself from mine and went away. And even then he'd say, "i own you". But it was over.

I tried to be there for him. I really did. But now I wonder if maybe I should have tried better. Because I see him now, and the darkness is still there. But now its darker.

He says, "so you have a boyfriend now", laughter in his voice..."do you love him?", pain in his voice. And I answer " Yes I do"....with a certainty that shocks even me. And he turns away.

I don't know if this will be the last time I ever see him....and before he left I said the same thing I said to him the first day we met. When I wasnt sure if I was gonna see him again. Be happy....

.................................................................................................................................

There'll always be someone from the past for everyone (well almost everyone). But don't let it influence your future.

Be happy.

Audeo

2 comments:

neefemi said...

You are right. Life is too short, too hold on to the past and continuous regret.

Be Happy

Blowing Blessings Your Way said...

U are def right! There's a reason why some people don't make it to our future!