For some reason I think I may have lost the ability to write my heart
out. It doesn't seem like a case of writer's bLoc. Just a seemingly
unshakable reluctance. Some part of me is willing while the rest of me
is saying a big fat no. I come up with some one liners that are
reminiscent of the posts I used to write circa 2010 but that's all
...disjointed one liners.
You see the issue is that I write with my heart. So 95percent of the
time I don't know beforehand what I'm going to write about. But what
happens when my heart decides to take a vacation? It leaves me well
and truly screwed. I have a a halfway house worth of posts. Words to
capture emotions at certain points in time. Posts going nowhere,
lifetimes that they may have lived. "Where are our lives before we
have lived it?"
Neefemi, read "Calais" by kathleen Winsor. I think I may have read it
too early. At 14 it taught me melancholy and the infinite sadness. Ten
years later and it still affects me like the first time. Yeah , that's
the book I wanted for my birthday.
"True love can never be relied upon to have completely exhausted
itself in its lifetime" ...do u agree? I miss my ex. Really badly
recently. We haven't spoken since november.
Have you read Dante Alighieri's "the divine comedy"? It was originally
written in italian. But here's an excerpt ...
"Remember tonight for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a
reward for persisting through life so long alone. The belief in each
other and the possibility of love. A decision, to ignore or simply
rise above the pain of the past. The covenant, which at once binds two
souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration, of the chance taken,
and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger
than one. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For
tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world for
feelings long held. Promises made long ago in the sacred space of our
hearts."
I haven't read words so beautiful, before and after.
I still believe in love. I think. Even though I recently told someone
that I'm no longer a believer.
I am a dreamer. Its in my heart and in my mouth. Someone told me
recently to "chase my dreams and when I find it, to live the life that
I dreamed" good or bad advice? To each his own.
I hadn't cried in a while. Until recently. Been tearing up a lot
recently. PMSing or something else? What happens when you break yin
from yang? An incomplete circle. "I do not come to you by chance"....I
miss you. "I just really hope that you think of me"...
"Lest you and I who love wake up one morning, strangers, enemies in an
alien world far off"...how did I end up here alone?
"I have saved nothing with which to protect myself..."
So all I'm saying is ...
--
Sent from my mobile device
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