First things first, lets cut out the bs of "let's see what the future brings". How about I tell you exactly what I want. Agreed? I'd prolly preamble first. But i know you'll understand.
When I was in uni, there's was this guy who called a certain girl his future. I found it incredibly silly at the time. Especially in that context. I don't anymore. Amidst all the upheaval that is my life at the moment, I have seen that supposedly calm eye of a storm. That silent part of a tornado where there is wonder at the havoc nature can cause. I have seen that split second before a head on collision, the certainty, the wonder. I have seen that second, just before bullet bites into skin. The second before an orgasm. Those times when everything apart from that moment is completely irrelevant. When all you see is colour and .......life. *insert quiet smile here*. I digress? Pull me back please...or maybe not.
Sometime soon, perhaps in every second after i type each word, we will meet. Let me know that you are still me. That you were me. let me not wonder someday 10 years from now where I went. let nothing change me. Never complacent and never compliant. Let me never learn how not to say exactly what's in my heart.
You are not gonna grow fat. Not even after 3 kids. And ensure you get that boob job especially as you would have had a lifetime of breastfeeding both husband and babies. Your favourite colour will always be grey. It will always be elegant but not as severe as black. You will always like good food which have taken at least 90 minutes to prepare. You will always love champagne and will pass same to the kids.
You'll always be strong and relentless and never lacking in laughter. Not even in pain or disappointment. You will never lose your childlike quality. That hope that preaches sweetness. You will always have money. Tons of it. You will buy that chateau in france, that Vineyard in the valley and that 1000square foot "cottage" by the sea. You will always achieve that which we set out to do.
You will teach your children to never lack faith. That thing which distinguishes winners from everyone else. You will teach them to believe in God dirst and themselves next. You will teach them to speak the truth always. You will teach them the essence of self, of individuality and the peace of mind that comes from that. You will teach them that life is never easy, and that for every decision made, there will always be a chain of repercussions. You will teach them love. For self and for others. yo will nurture and protect. Just like your mother before you. Never criticizing, always loving and teaching and learning.
You will never stop loving music or stop deriving pleasure from it. You'll never lose the ability to jump on its back and grab its wings and surrender. That insane joy that sometimes brings tears. Just like now. You will never stop writing. Writing what your heart wants you to write. In sickness or health. In joy and in laughter. When its good or its not. Words will always be your escape. When you cant speak it, make sure you write it. Those words will never cease to soothe and to protect. Like wings on an angel.
When you pick the man you want to call your future, you will be sure that it is what you want forever. You will not decide because it is "time to settle down".
To You, the man I will call my Future
One day I read this to you. One day I may not. Maybe i have met you, maybe I have not. But one day, I wil tilt my head slightly to the side, just like I always do when I'm considering something, but i will not be considering. Because, at that point, I will know. I will know you. Just as if that thought of you was there when I was formed. By God. For you. And you will know. You will always have known. In your conscious or your subconscious.
I will not always agree with you. And sometimes I will refuse to budge. But you will love me even then, especially then. I will not always make you happy but i'd be damned if I ever make you sad. I will love you. With my heart, and my body, and my body, and my soul, and my spirit. You will my head and I will trust you to make me your shoulders. i will always support you. Never forsaking, and always forsaking all others. I will treasure you, always. I will stay sexy and I will trust you to do the same or i'll place you on a diet. Our home will always be a place of love, light, laughter and peace.
You will love our children. You will always support them. You will hear them and show them a father's love. Never overbearing, always teaching. You will teach our sons to value women and our daughters to value themselves. You will be a pillar behind them. A father they can always walk with.
We will face life's issues together. I will always trust you, and you, me. To do that which is best. Decisions borne of love are never wrong.
We will always plan together. And execute those plans together. We will alwasy value eachother's opinion. When we have disagreements, we will settle settle them before we go to sleep because you know i'll never be able to sleep if we dont. You will forsake all others. Because you will know that I am above all others and there will never be another woman like me.
We will always have sex. At night or in the morning or in the afternoon. We will send the children to our parents when necessary. We will always have time for each other. I know that there is no such thing as an ideal man. I dont want you to be. I want you to be my man.
When we are old and wrinkled, we will sit and talk to eachother about how much we loved eachother from the start, even when we didnt know.
Sitting here at my desk, loving you even when I dont know who you are. Missing you, even if we may never have met.......
So dear future, there you have it.
p.s. I'll never know where life will take me. But these things will never change. You'll find me years from now, still dreaming, always believing. Never stoppiung to measure but to savor. Always laughing and loving. Never losing faith, my eyes towards heaven. And knowing........