Skip to main content

Maybe Tomorrow

I am not confused. Infact, in the past few days i have been beset with seemingly endless moments of absolute clarity. I have been blessed with the ability to dissect a situation into micro moments, each one leading to the other, and understanding. Hearing the words not being said. The German will probably put it down to our just having completed "Lie to Me". I'd say its not. I find that recently I can dissociate myself from my emotions. Like completely cut-off. I believe I have Tili to thank for this. Tili, beloved alter ego.

TILI :
I am Tili. The side that comes out only at parties and I have moved in for a while. Exactly when, i do not know. and frankly, dont care. I dont hate men. Far from it. I love them and would fuck in a heartbeat because i'm convinced that is all they are good for. I see through all the bullshit, pretend to be Abi for tenderness (when it is required), and find the truth. I see past the 'i want to know you and care for you" right through to the "i want to fuck your brains out". I dont want sentiments. I'll confuse you into thinking I want your emotions.or that I feel it. And I know.

In comes Salt. He wants to heal Abi he says.....and Abi believes him. He wants to take away her pain. He wants her to trust him I mean whats not to believe. He tries so hard to convince her. But the problem is that he doesnt know that there have been others like him. Beginning with the youngun. The youngun had all the pretty words and a girlfriend. *insert sneer here* and I knew what he wanted and let him have it. Abi needed comfort. Next came The Cultured one. He had more pretty words and a wife. *insert hard sneer* I didnt let him take Abi. She was better then and didnt need him so much. Even if she was on a speedboat to self-destruction and he offered stability. And Salt is here. and is saying the same things. Its almost like there's a school that teaches this stuff.He's almost perfect for Abi and she wants to own him. But i have been at least two steps ahead of him all the way. Playimg him nicely. Baiting him, leading him on. Caressing his ego. I see him, and I know. He is Salt and he has pretty words and a girlfriend.

ABI:
I'm not as gullible as Tili thinks. I can see through Salt. I always have. He hasnt quite perfected the art of the "User". Even then, I do not have the willpower to resist him. Because I feel that he strugles with himself on this one. Then again, I may be wrong. So i made Tili come. Wasn't hard that one. Just cried my eyes out one night. Salt hates Tili. Yeah I told him about her. Lol. I tell him that sex is easy. cos she doesnt care. Tili wont let him take my heart. For that, I am grateful.

Then there's the german. We both love him. And he loves us both. He knows me and I know him. And i believe.

Anyways, i love having Tili here. She's brave and silly. She's the 'touched' part of me. The darkness. Maybe one day i wont need her so much or maybe i always will. Maybe one day she wont be so hard. Maybe not. Maybe one day i'll let her go. Maybe not, Maybe tomorrow.


xxx
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Letter to My Future

First things first, lets cut out the bs of "let's see what the future brings". How about I tell you exactly what I want. Agreed? I'd prolly preamble first. But i know you'll understand. When I was in uni, there's was this guy who called a certain girl his future. I found it incredibly silly at the time. Especially in that context. I don't anymore. Amidst all the upheaval that is my life at the moment, I have seen that supposedly calm eye of a storm. That silent part of a tornado where there is wonder at the havoc nature can cause. I have seen that split second before a head on collision, the certainty, the wonder. I have seen that second, just before bullet bites into skin. The second before an orgasm. Those times when everything apart from that moment is completely irrelevant. When all you see is colour and .......life. *insert quiet smile here*. I digress? Pull me back please...or maybe not. Dear Abimbola, Sometime soon, perhaps in every second af...
15 comments
Read more

Its Friday, and I'm in love

I watched as my uncle was laid to rest on saturday. I cried new tears as I watched the coffin being lowered into the ground. I cried with his children as they cast dust upon the coffin, commiting their father's body to mother earth. From dust to dust......   Across from me, I watched my father, tears in his eyes as he buried his brother not of the same blood. Friend, for over 40 years and I wept for him too. I saw my mother beside him, holding his hand. I knew that she was remembering a similar burial from 8 years ago. When she buried my late uncle's wife. Her friend and confidant. And I cried for her too.  And fell in love with my parents, all over again.   Most times we take our parents for granted. Assuming that they'd always be around. But what if?....My father was my bestie for many years. Until I felt like I'd outgrown him, and sought friendship elsewhere. Not anymore. Recently, i didnt speak to him voluntarily for almost 2 months becasue o...
11 comments
Read more

EVERYBODY's FREE....(to use bleaching soap)

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2010.... Use Bleaching Soap If I offer you only one tip for the future, bleaching soap would be IT . The long term benefits of bleaching have been proved by marketwomen whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable tan my own point of view. I will dispense this advice now..... Enjoy the power and beauty of bleaching soap..team it up with lacewigs. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of bleaching soap until you have aged. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how pale you really looked. You are NOT as fine as you imagine. You should worry about the future, because if you dont, you'll realise that your world will keep falling down on your head like standing under the unforgiving Lagos island rain with no umbrella, waiting for the next danfo bus that will take you to your office. The real ...
10 comments
Read more