Thursday, April 29, 2010

~Fair Chances~

I cant exactly concentrate on anything else so I might as well. This post began in my mind just after Da Grin died. See, I didnt really pay attention to his music. Well to anything apart from Kondo which I love. Thing is my grasp of yoruba is rubbish and I couldnt understand why someone would decide to rap in the language. Like our kids another reason to have poor diction. Then he died and I felt his abscence. Quite keenly infact.But not as much as I do now. You see, the day after his death, I went out and bought his album. Just so that I could have Kondo for keeps. Then I fell in love with the entire album. The sincerity in the first two songs. Everything. I still dont understand all of what he's saying, but I got it. And I realised I didnt give him a fair chance. I should have listened first.

See the thing about life is that its seems really long. Everyday we stare at the clocks at our workplaces, waiting for ^pm (for those that close at 6), or for some like us, till whenever the wwork ends for that day. And we forget that these are the days of our lives. One day after the other of seemingly endless journeys till 6pm. Until one day, we wake up and we are all 50yrs old.

I've always been one for living in the present. Embracing life as much as possible. Cos you know, never know. I may live to be 100 or 50 or 24. But now I realise I havent really loved life as much as I should. I am a pracising Christian and I know that I am only here for a while and I will one day go to Jesus. My author. By love life i do not mean you know...the bad stuff. I mean generally loving the life I've been given. Every single second is so precious. And we spend it waiting for 6pm.

I changed after my ex and I broke up. Ireevocably, I thought. But then, maybe not. Funny how someone said this to me yesterday and I refused to believe him. Now i realise that I do want to love whoever I'm with. I want to love and be loved. I wanna cherish and be cherished. I don't wanna be the 'smart/sharp' one. It sucks. When you lie in bed, thinking to urseld .."I'm so sharp. I can make myself not feel anything'. or I'm so hard. But all you are is sad. Imagine going through life thinking like that. Being like that. I want to love foolishly. Call me love's fool. But who is the fool? The person who holds it all inside or the person who lets it all out?. If we both die the same day, who would it be said to have lived a better life? Food for thought? I pray so...

I want to live every moment. Fear has a way of holding you down. Even though the rest of the world is moving. And every single second you're sat there paralysed by fear, is every single second someone else is doing what you want to do or every single second what you were placed on earth to ddo is not being done. And when the time appointed for you to die comes, would that thing have been done? I'm at a point in my life where if I make the career decision that's staring me in the face, I'll either fail miserably or succeed greatly. And yet, I'm sat here, scared out of my skin. Like a rabbit in your headlamps. Should I? Should I not? I'm 23 and so far, I've gone a long way. Do I dare do an about face? Even as I know that God has never placed me in a situation that I have never been able to sail out of, (Thank you Jesus), I am still afraid. What have you required of me?

I want to give everyone a fair chance. Not as in the case of Jim Carrey in "Yes Man". know what I mean. Everyday I listen to Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free" and I know all the words. But I dont think I've ever really understood them until now. Funny how I had thought about doing a post, but quoting all my fave lines in it. Although I cant say exactly how that woulda been, I can say I wont have done it proper justice.

I wont and cant tell you how to live your life. Heaven knows i've got my hands full with mine. And I know how much its easier said than done. But I reckon I'll take it one day at a time. I dont believe in re-incarnation so I guess its just this one life right? What have I done with it till date? What will I do with it till I die? What will I be remembered for? Maybe its not my destiny to make it into history books. Maybe it is..Either ways, I'm damned well gonna try.

Gimme a fair chan will you? I'll be doing the same.

#np: Need You now ~ Lady Antebellum


igest said...

Hmmmm deep thots yet truthfull. May Godhelp us all nice one bims Keep it up

Jayla. said...

Life is too short and its so true that we live waiting for the big moments in our lives.

As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

neefemi said...

awwww i'm so happy for you, can i say that?...i remember when i started reading your blog, thinking you were in so much pain...and now you are giving people chances, so even though we haven't met, i'm glad to see this side of you and hear this from you...thanks for the reminder as well, sometimes i forget as well

Myne Whitman said...

I liked the hope in this post. Even while we mourn (please accept my condolences on the loss of your Uncle Frank), we also have to learn from it and move ahead. All the best dear.

abikaylicious said...

funny enuf before i saw this blog, i posted on twitter that "love life and live life" jeez so much for being September 24!!! Almost feels as though u took the words from my mind

Audeo said...

@ighest: Thanks babe. Yeah. Life is short. We all need the reminder. Even me that im writing it

Audeo said...

@neefemi : babe. i know what u mean. Can hardly believe its the same me. But it is. Just six months later.there'll defo be times when ill want to crawl under my bed in fear. day at a time right?