Skip to main content

The Riot Act : Dealing with pesky extended family

So there's this huge wedding in my family this month and everybody is coming rom everywhere. I have to state at this point that extended family make me uncomfortable. You know how you have a gekko high up on your wall watching you and you cant get a broom long enough to drive it away and you have to sleep? yeah, just like that. I don't know why, but they always have. All but one. My darling big cousin. Then he got married and that was the end of that story.

Anyways, my dad's sister, one of the 5 will be coming from amirika and my dad calmly informed me last night that she will be sleeping in my room. Incredulousity (is this even a word?). The conversation went thus :

Daddy: Bimbo, Yemi will be staying in your room when she comes on thursday

Me: You must be kidding me daddy. like seriously? are you for real? aint gonna happen.

Daddy: I'm very serious. She cant stay in the guest room because Tunde is there, and she cant stay in Dipo's room because well, its dipo's room and besides doyin will be there too.

Me: cant she sleep in the living room?

Daddy: you must be crazy...(wordless rant. well i wasnt really listening)

Me: Daddy i dont get you. after everything these people did? i get how in ur fastly approaching old age u think it is necessary to mend bridges with your siblings, but isnt this going too far? is she not part of the people that connived to steal and bankrupt your aviation company, hence my living in poverty today? or dont you think i wanted Beyonce at my wedding? or oh wait...wasn't she the one who called my mother a witch?? This is bullshit. I'm moving out.

Daddy: Okay she'll sleep in the living room.

actually, that convo took place in my head. The real one went as follows:

Daddy: Bimbo, Yemi will be staying in your room when she comes on thurday

Me: Cant she stay in a hotel?

Daddy: No.

Me: Well i'm moving out till she goes.

Daddy: But why?

Me: *blank stare*

Daddy: *deepsigh* okay

Thing is I am averse to sharing my space, my things. I am utterly protective of things that belong to me, to talk less of the people that belong to me.Yes i say belong. I don't wanna share my parents or my best friends. Flaw in my character? i'll leave you to decide that. So before I pack out of my house for the upteenth time tomorrow, I shall read my mother the riot act as follows:

~You shall not discuss any of my future plans with your in-laws. either relating to my work, education or travel~

~ You are not at liberty to discuss when i intend to marry, or how many children in intend to have~

~You shall not mention that I do not have a spare tyre, or that I shall be getting my own house~

~You are not also at liberty to discuss the state of my health or anything at all that relates to my well being~

~If she asks you about your daughter, you are however free to say that I am a spoilt waywar child with no plans for her future~

~You are also not at liberty to discuss my siblings or their ambitions for life~

I know I am being paranoid, but there's even more, relating to my lingerie drawers, toiletries, international passports and old chequebooks. Thing is, although I am not usually given to superstition, i have coined an adage for this very special occassion.  frog wey no dey look road, go jump enter frying pan

Happy tuesdays people
Labels:

Comments

Jayla. said…
People from my mother's side i could deal with, from my dad's side, my popsy would b high on conc paraga to ask them to stay in my room even tho i haven't slept there in years.
April 13, 2010 at 12:01 PM
Nee Fe Mi said…
i agree with you on the rules for your mum....especially after that story... have a great weekend and hoping the ceremony goes well
April 13, 2010 at 7:21 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

~Boycott Love..........~

~I'm coming apart at the seams, pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams, now buzz, buzz, buzz, doc there's a hole where something was, doc there's a hole where something was...~ Those are the opening lines of 'Disloyal order of Water Buffaloes', an amazing song by Fall Out Boy. By now you must know that I love FOB. that being said, those lines are so hauntingly beautiful and have for the past few weeks been the summation of my state of mind, amongst other things... However, seeing as this is my blog of light and happiness, i wont talk about those feelings here. Instead, i'll quote a line from the song and tell you what I think. This sorta feels like Harry Essang's lit class. Anyways.... "I promise you anything for another shot at life,imperfect boys with their perfect lives, nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy" I understand the feeling of desperation, when you' give anything to have just one thing back. even for a
1 comment
Read more

Letter to My Future

First things first, lets cut out the bs of "let's see what the future brings". How about I tell you exactly what I want. Agreed? I'd prolly preamble first. But i know you'll understand. When I was in uni, there's was this guy who called a certain girl his future. I found it incredibly silly at the time. Especially in that context. I don't anymore. Amidst all the upheaval that is my life at the moment, I have seen that supposedly calm eye of a storm. That silent part of a tornado where there is wonder at the havoc nature can cause. I have seen that split second before a head on collision, the certainty, the wonder. I have seen that second, just before bullet bites into skin. The second before an orgasm. Those times when everything apart from that moment is completely irrelevant. When all you see is colour and .......life. *insert quiet smile here*. I digress? Pull me back please...or maybe not. Dear Abimbola, Sometime soon, perhaps in every second af
15 comments
Read more

#imthankfulfor

I've always had reasons for which to be thankful. To God, to my parents, to nature, to the earth, to my friends,.... Wokeup one day to Temite's #imthankfulfors on twitter and after sampling opnion (thanks again twitfam) I realised again that most humans are thankful for the same things. For and to God. For being God. For family, what would we do without you. For life. No matter how bad everyday is, at least ure still alive right? For money. And of course the things money can buy. For love. For always making it count. I am thankful for this gift. That I can put pen to paper and write things that can make me or you laugh, smile, cry and think. This gift that gives words meaning... I am thankful for bad roads. Cos they ensure that I don't speed to my death. But I am even more thankful for good one. Cos that'll mean that Pegasus will be alive for longer. I am thankful for people that sleep with their mouths open. Even when in public. For example in traffic. Gives me someth
10 comments
Read more