Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Riot Act : Dealing with pesky extended family

So there's this huge wedding in my family this month and everybody is coming rom everywhere. I have to state at this point that extended family make me uncomfortable. You know how you have a gekko high up on your wall watching you and you cant get a broom long enough to drive it away and you have to sleep? yeah, just like that. I don't know why, but they always have. All but one. My darling big cousin. Then he got married and that was the end of that story.

Anyways, my dad's sister, one of the 5 will be coming from amirika and my dad calmly informed me last night that she will be sleeping in my room. Incredulousity (is this even a word?). The conversation went thus :

Daddy: Bimbo, Yemi will be staying in your room when she comes on thursday

Me: You must be kidding me daddy. like seriously? are you for real? aint gonna happen.

Daddy: I'm very serious. She cant stay in the guest room because Tunde is there, and she cant stay in Dipo's room because well, its dipo's room and besides doyin will be there too.

Me: cant she sleep in the living room?

Daddy: you must be crazy...(wordless rant. well i wasnt really listening)

Me: Daddy i dont get you. after everything these people did? i get how in ur fastly approaching old age u think it is necessary to mend bridges with your siblings, but isnt this going too far? is she not part of the people that connived to steal and bankrupt your aviation company, hence my living in poverty today? or dont you think i wanted Beyonce at my wedding? or oh wait...wasn't she the one who called my mother a witch?? This is bullshit. I'm moving out.

Daddy: Okay she'll sleep in the living room.

actually, that convo took place in my head. The real one went as follows:

Daddy: Bimbo, Yemi will be staying in your room when she comes on thurday

Me: Cant she stay in a hotel?

Daddy: No.

Me: Well i'm moving out till she goes.

Daddy: But why?

Me: *blank stare*

Daddy: *deepsigh* okay

Thing is I am averse to sharing my space, my things. I am utterly protective of things that belong to me, to talk less of the people that belong to me.Yes i say belong. I don't wanna share my parents or my best friends. Flaw in my character? i'll leave you to decide that. So before I pack out of my house for the upteenth time tomorrow, I shall read my mother the riot act as follows:

~You shall not discuss any of my future plans with your in-laws. either relating to my work, education or travel~

~ You are not at liberty to discuss when i intend to marry, or how many children in intend to have~

~You shall not mention that I do not have a spare tyre, or that I shall be getting my own house~

~You are not also at liberty to discuss the state of my health or anything at all that relates to my well being~

~If she asks you about your daughter, you are however free to say that I am a spoilt waywar child with no plans for her future~

~You are also not at liberty to discuss my siblings or their ambitions for life~

I know I am being paranoid, but there's even more, relating to my lingerie drawers, toiletries, international passports and old chequebooks. Thing is, although I am not usually given to superstition, i have coined an adage for this very special occassion.  frog wey no dey look road, go jump enter frying pan

Happy tuesdays people


Jayla. said...

People from my mother's side i could deal with, from my dad's side, my popsy would b high on conc paraga to ask them to stay in my room even tho i haven't slept there in years.

neefemi said...

i agree with you on the rules for your mum....especially after that story... have a great weekend and hoping the ceremony goes well